Tuesday, July 20, 2021
How to not to take it personally?
Mr Feriderik Imbo shares his strategies how to be free ourselves from taking things personally. I am fully in agreement with him, they are also what I have been used since I was very young. Probably because it is my character by birth. This multi angle view benefits me a lot, especially for my family building and relationship, career.
It's not about me. It's other person's intention
Every day our brains produce more than 50000 thoughts. Only about 10000 thoughts are positive.
That means 80% of what we think are negative thoughts.
When two people look at you, talking and laughing.
Do you think they are talking about your new shoes and they want to buy for themselves ?Or do you think they're laughing at me, gossiping about me ?
So it takes lots of correction , they must be laughing at something else and that's nothing about me.It will take lot of energy to make yourself easier.
Seeing positive intentions of other one requires aot of discipline and training.
As a football referee, it is easy to get shouting at him for his decision.
Frederick trains his mind and body to be easier to deal with. He says to himself, It is not about me. They just want to be right. They simply want their team to win. That's their positive intention.
When I focus on other person's intention, there is no need to take it personally.
When I apply this strategy very consciously, I feel much more at ease at the field. When the coach, plyes and spectators do not agree my decisions, I am less easily thrown off balance.
You see, it works.
Every coin has a flip side.
Unfortunately this strategy doesn't work always, especially they said I was a loser.
When the strategy it is not about me doesn't work, it means it is about me.
It has something with me about my insecurity.
Looks at the mirror and question myself :
probably because I am not a player, I drive too slowly when the back driver tailgates at me and flash at me.
When people criticize me, saying I am selfish, probably I am sometimes.
When you are being criticized, and hurts, chances are big that is rooted in your childhood.
Maybe as a child, you were told you were never good enough.
When you came back 9 with 10, you are asked why not 10?
You see, comparison, criticism, no praise, make children feel inferior, insecure, I am not good enough.
Go back to th raw never and rooted cause, give yourself some empathy.
When you are not get what you expect, like recognition or reputation, you can try to speak up, just tell the other one what's going on inside you.
By opening up, by being vulnerable by telling what you feel without blaming the other one, (I message),
you increase the chance of the other one to understand you and take your needs into account.
How not to take things personally?
One, it's not about me. Look at the other's intention.
If it doesn't work, it is about me.
Give yourself empathy and speak speak up.
We could all put these two into practice, see it would enhance our relationships enormously.
Together we could create a better world.
Whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value.
an audience says:
YOU VALUE DOES NOT DECREASE BECAUSE OF SOMEONE'S INABILITY TO SEE YOUR WORTH.