父母慣性貶低控制 埋情緒病伏線
【明報專訊】童年陰影對我們的影響深遠。比較明顯的「童年陰影」可以是來自身體，甚至性侵犯；但更常見的，是父母慣性的批評、貶低、控制，或者是有意或無意的忽略、情感上的要脅，又或是父母之間不和，使到還是小孩的我們承受著大人之間的情緒。
童年是建立信任、自立、自律、自我發展和身分認同的時候。如果童年時遭父母不斷批評、控制，我們便會潛意識地自覺得一無是處，什麼也做不好。情感上被忽略的小孩會覺得自己不值得被愛，容易產生自卑、倔強、孤獨的個性。小孩子對父母之間的問題和對父母的情緒亦十分敏感，會長遠地影響他們對親密關係的觀念，例如害怕建立親密關係、不能信任親密關係而害怕被丟棄等等。
這些童年陰影會留下烙印，影響我們對自己、對別人和對世界的觀感。這些都會成為情緒病的伏線。當我們自卑，我們可能會強迫自己付出加倍努力。
但當遇到批評的時候，我們便會分外敏感，容易怪責自己，又或是因為覺得不被理解而感到憤怒。這些不會是單一事件，因為童年陰影會使我們對這些情感上的侵犯分外敏感，所產生的自卑、孤獨感會反覆出現，影響著我們與自己和與其他人的互動。當這些模式反覆出現總有一天令情緒出現問題。焦慮症、抑鬱症等會使負面思想更嚴重，更難感受到愛。
反覆感到自卑孤獨
我們不能改變過去。童年不愉快的影響深遠，亦增加患上情緒病的風險。治療情緒病十分重要，否則便更難累積正面思想和更難感受到別人的關愛。而在治療情緒病的同時，當病人慢慢跟醫生建立關係，感受到原來有人關心自己，這種關係本身亦是一種靈丹妙藥。
文：何浩賢（精神科專科醫生）
相關字詞﹕情緒病 焦慮症 身分認同 抑鬱症 童年陰影 醫賢心事 精神科 何浩賢
1 6 2020
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-effects-of-childhood-trauma-4147640
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Although adults often say things like, “He was so young when that happened. He won’t even remember it as an adult,” childhood trauma can have a lifelong effect. And while kids are resilient, they’re not made of stone.
That’s not to say your child will be emotionally scarred for life if he endures a horrific experience. With appropriate interventions, adults can help kids recover from traumatic experiences more effectively.1
But it’s important to recognize when your child may need professional help with dealing with a trauma. Early intervention could prevent your child from experiencing ongoing effects of the trauma as an adult.1
What It Is
There are many different experiences that can constitute trauma.
Physical or sexual abuse, for example, can be clearly traumatic for children.
One-time events, like a car accident or a particularly severe natural disaster (like a hurricane, for example), can take a psychological toll on children as well.1
Ongoing stress, such as living in a dangerous neighborhood or being the victim of bullying, can be traumatic, even if it just feels like daily life to an adult.2 In fact, nearly any event can be considered traumatic to a child if:
- It happened unexpectedly
- It happened repeatedly
- Someone was intentionally cruel
- The child was unprepared for it
Childhood trauma also doesn’t have to occur directly to the child; for instance, watching a loved one suffer can be extremely traumatic as well. Exposure to violent media can also traumatize children.3
Just because an experience is upsetting, however, doesn’t make it traumatic. Parental
divorce, for example, will likely affect a child but it isn’t necessarily traumatizing.
It’s also important to remember that just because a child endured a tragedy or a near-death experience, doesn’t mean he’ll automatically be traumatized. Some kids are much less affected by their circumstances than others.4
When It Leads to PTSD
Many children are exposed to traumatic events at one point or another. While most of them experience distress following a traumatic event, the vast majority of them return to a normal state of functioning in a relatively short period of time.
Sometimes children believe they missed warning signs predicting the traumatic event. In an effort to prevent future traumas, they become
hyper-vigilant in looking for warning signs that something bad is going to happen again.
6
Children with PTSD may also have problems with:7
- Fear
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Anger and aggression
- Self-destructive behavior
- Feelings of isolation
- Poor self-esteem
- Difficulty trusting others
Even children who don’t develop PTSD may still exhibit emotional and behavioral issues following a traumatic experience.6 Here are some things to watch out for during the weeks and months after an upsetting event:8
- Increased thoughts about death or safety
- Problems sleeping
- Changes in appetite
- Anger issues
- Attention problems
- School refusal
- Somatic complaints like headaches and stomachaches
- Loss of interest in normal activities
- Irritability
- Sadness
- Development of new fears
Effect on Long-Term Health
Traumatic events can affect how a child’s brain develops. And that can have lifelong consequences.
A study published in 2015 showed that the more adverse childhood experiences a person has, the higher their risk of health and wellness problems later in life. Childhood trauma may increase an individual’s risk of:9
- Asthma
- Depression
- Coronary heart disease
- Stroke
- Diabetes
A study published in 2016 in
Psychiatric Times noted that the prevalence of suicide attempts was significantly higher in adults who experienced trauma, such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, and parental domestic violence, as a child.
If your child is having suicidal thoughts, contact the
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at
1-800-273-8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
Effect on Relationships
A child’s relationship with his caregiver—whether his parents, grandparents or otherwise—is vital to his emotional and physical health. This relationship and attachment helps the little one learn to trust others, manage emotions and interact with the world around them.
When a child experiences a trauma that teaches him that he cannot trust or rely on that caregiver, however, he’s likely to believe that the world around him is a scary place and all adults are dangerous—and that makes it incredibly difficult to form relationships throughout their childhood, including with peers their own age, and into the adult years.10
Children who struggle to maintain healthy attachments to caregivers are likely to struggle with romantic relationships during adulthood. A 2008 Australian study of more than 21,000 child abuse survivors age 60 and older reported a higher rate of failed marriages and relationships.11
How to Help
Family support can be key to reducing the impact trauma has on a child. Here are some ways to support a child after an upsetting event:12
- Encourage your child to talk about his feelings and validate his emotions.
- Answer questions honestly.
- Reassure your child that you’ll do everything you can to keep him safe.
- Stick to your daily routine as much as possible.
If your child has been exposed to traumatic circumstances and you’ve noticed changes in her mood or behavior, talk to her pediatrician. A physician can evaluate your child’s health and, if necessary, make a referral for mental health treatment.
Depending on your child’s age and needs, she may be referred for services such as cognitive behavioral therapy, play therapy, or family therapy. Medication may also be an option to treat your child’s symptoms.13
A Word From Verywell
It’s never too late to get help. Whether you’ve adopted a teenager who was abused over a decade ago, or you’ve never received help for the traumatic experiences you endured 40 years ago, treatment can still be effective.
