Friday, November 28, 2014

The Secrets of Happiest Place

What is happiness?

Money and status aren't the priority here in Denmark; a simple life is. The world's happiest nation is Denmark for years!

Here are their secrets:
No difference in status: everyone enjoys the same respect from a street musician to a lawyer.

Inner security is the key to happiness: That is TRUST
Trust to leave your bike unlocked.
Trust to leave their babies in a stroller unattended while they're inside a store. Trust in each other.
In fact, 96 percent of people say they know someone they could rely on in times of need. This sense of security helps keep stress levels down and happiness levels up.

They strike that great balance between work, life and family. And all of that leads to happiness. Never Overwork, instead, spend more time with family and community, volunteering work. 40% of nation are volunteers.

Physical exercises keeps the nation health and happy. Biking is the Norm.
Half of all commuters here in Denmark travel to work or school by bike every single day

Higher level of satisfactions don't come from  fancy vacations, but  time with family, laughing, building memories.

The 10 Habits of Optimism

1. Have Gratitude
"It all starts with counting our blessings. If you are not grateful for the good things in your life, you will never be satisfied. Take inventory of the good around you. But don't neglect what's not great, either: You also need to be grateful for the hardships, the obstacles, the failures. Why? Because these are the points of wisdom in your life. They give you strength, they teach you how to persevere, and they form your resilience. Being thankful for every step makes life’s hardships surmountable. All of this is the foundation of optimism; being psyched about the good and the bad, and knowing that they all point to a bright future."
2. Share Your Stories
"I believe we all have the capacity to live optimistically just by sharing our life’s adventures, our successes and even our failures. Just knowing others have been in the same boat and have persevered is comforting. It spreads a message of hope, and hope is the main ingredient in optimism. When we share our stories we are giving others the tools they need to build, evolve, and persevere. In essence, mankind is always 'paying it forward.

3. Forgive
"This is easier said than done but you need to forgive those that have affected your ability to find the silver linings. I believe that the easiest way to forgive and move on is to reflect on the fact that the past is the past. Just look at it this way; the person that you are having a hard time forgiving probably wishes that he or she could erase the past as well. In summary, make peace with your past so that it won't spoil the present. Once you accomplish this, you will close those chapters and live a more positive and happy life."
4. Be A Better Listener
"When you listen you open up your ability to take in more knowledge versus blocking the world with your words or your distracting thoughts. You are also demonstrating confidence and respect for others. Knowledge and confidence is proof that you are secure and positive with yourself thus radiating positive energy."
5. Turn Envy And Jealousy Into Energy
"When we envy others we are only hurting ourselves. The universe does not owe you because someone else is better off than you. Channel that energy into building your personal and professional brand. Consider other people’s success the catalyst to help you achieve."
6. Smile More, Frown Less
"When we smile we are creating a happy, stimulating environment around us that draws others in. Frowning, on the other hand, shuts people out and has the opposite effect. Happiness, even in brief doses, releases Serotonin (the happy hormone). It makes the toughest days surmountable."
7. Exercise, Eat A Healthy Diet And Take In Vitamin D
"This may be common advice, but we all need some form of exercise and sunlight every day even -- if it’s only for 15 minutes. If you can’t get natural sunlight, ask your doctor about Vitamin D supplements and/or light therapy. If you can’t get exercise during your busy schedule, use the staircase instead of the elevator or park in the furthest parking spot. Whatever it takes, keep yourself in healthy motion as often as you can. Consider balanced meals and don’t push away those fruits and vegetables. If you feel hunger throughout the day, consider almonds and walnuts if you are not allergic. If you are predisposed to allergies, consider frequent smaller meals throughout the day instead of three larger ones. The energy we get from exercise, a healthy diet, and light exposure gives us focus, clarity and a naturally positive demeanor."
8. Be A Positive Forward Thinker
"Positive forward thinking is the ability to find the silver lining in every cloud, apply it to today or yesterday and be hopeful that tomorrow will be better. Imagine surgery; you think the worse and can’t wait for it to be over. Take all that and start visualizing what the point of the surgery is and what the results of the procedure will deliver. The goal is good, it’s only today that may seem rough. Or picture a student studying for a grueling exam. It may seem like the end of the world trying to prepare and memorize all this information. But take that energy and picture what your degree can do for your future. Like anything else, working hard will always deliver results. Life is not a lottery. It’s what you make of it."
9. Stop Blaming Others
"It is so easy to blame others for our position in life. People blame the economy, politicians, bosses, and all types of third parties for their problems. Once you truly accept that you control who you are, you will find that optimism and success come naturally. Remember, opportunity is usually found in the valleys, not at the peaks." 10. Understand That The Past Is Not A Blueprint For The Future
"Just because you've experienced adversity in your life does not mean that what starts badly will end badly. Do not make bad experiences a self-fulfilling prophecy of what lies ahead. On the contrary, know that those milestones are behind you and the road to the future is clear."

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

我的心和你共舞! What Have I learnt from My Healing Work?

遇到逆境 - 身患危疾,癌症,中風;感情破裂,分手,工作失意,生意失敗…一般人都會問,為什麼是我?怎麼会是這樣? It’s not fair!





作為一個治療師,我深深感到,自己最需要的是一份同理心,走進個案的心理世界,陪伴他們一起走出困境,回到現實世界,站起來,去面對,接受,學習經驗和教訓,反省,覺醒,然后放下。 LIFE MUST BE GO ON!MOVE FORWARD!CHANGE!AND CHANGE FOR BETTER!



 什麼是unresourceful states?  那就是當人處於:憤怒、焦慮、不滿、內疚、妒忌、憂郁、失去基本的自信和安全感等各種狀態。在這些情況下,什麼智慧也沒有了!把自己鎖進自我的心理牢獄里!



每當和个案朋友們分享,解釋和探討后,我们一起找到夢背后的真諦,朋友們看到一個如此美麗,聰明和有自信的內在自己時,都打從心裡笑了出來!情緒由depressed to brightened up, resourceful, empowered state! I’m so grateful always at this moment!  我和別人的心是那麼的貼近,產生深度的連接!看到別人那種找到自我,被認同,被理解的感覺,是多麼的美妙!

当我疗愈别人,别人 如何面对逆境的成长故事也在療愈我; 当我提出建议,我自己也被鞭策!All coach is self-coach! All hypnosis is self hypnosis! All change is subconscious change! This happens not only to them, to coachees,  but to myself!


Tuesday, November 25, 2014

What I found in love and marriage by dream analysis 從夢境看愛和婚姻的旅程


In hypnotherapy and dream therapy practices, quite of cases I have handled were  relationship of marriage and love.

Sometimes, people come to me to learn their dream meaning.  But behind the dreams is a deep world of marriage issues, love issues,  ultimately, is self-struggling.  Their dreams awake them to face; dreams give them directions, methods and even solutions.

I am grateful to get people trust to help them to brighten up, to find their own resources and regain self- healing power to get through the hardship.  Through these processes, I am surprised to find that even in most difficult time of a marriage, love crisis, our subconscious mind is not to give up but seek for solutions. The intention from all of people's dreams are almost the same - so lovely, empathetic, constructive and positive.

While analysis and sharing, we all realized dreams carries so  profound insight that  we have to admit a fact -
that is, dreams are a soul of mirror, a best teacher of life, source of wisdom and bridge between our conscious and subconscious mind.

While helping and supporting people to solve their issues, I am healing myself and learning from people how they face crisis,  getting a constantly reminder - quality of communication is quality of life.

Here is one of my articles on marriage, which I read many times, learning how to make imperfect to perfect marriage life.

The Journey of Marriage (Publised in Ming Pao)

You married your boyfriend because you fell for him on the very first date; or because he gave you fulfillment, love, a sense of security and confidence; or simply because you admired his intelligence, gorgeous looks and his sense of humour. Whatever brought you together, after some time of married life, you may come to realize that marriage, in fact, is not as ideal and sweet as you had made it out to be. 

Day by day, disagreements appear which in time develop into more serious arguments. This might be about preference of restaurants or color of a piece of furniture, disputes from visiting whose parents-in-law first to financial issue, or from which school should be selected for the kids to either of you having an affair…         

You might feel the relationship in your marriage is wobbly since you have sensed that he is no longer the person you married - he has become too emotional or uncommunicative or even changed in so many respects. Is a break up inevitable? What would be the consequence of divorce? What would be its impact on the children? Would it be better to persevere in the hope of new start? You’re in a real dilemma.

All this is not imaginary but happens frequently especially to a young couple once a new life comes to the family.

Having been married for a good many years, I really feel that marriage is a journey of continuously adapting to ever-changing conditions. People change especially when experiencing ups and downs. Even our characters change with age and environment. Working pressures, differences in parenting, moving house, the loss of jobs, illness and the loss of family members occur. Many uncertainties and events may increase the strain on the relationship.

Conflicts are unavoidable. Try to talk potential problems over heart-to-heart and always develop and maintain regular communication.  Ignoring issues will make problems worse and the relationship may eventually become irretrievable. 

Here are some suggestions on what to do when things start going wrong:
1. Listen to your partner and try to understand his/her point of view;
2. Discuss the problems thoroughly, calmly and objectively.
3. Avoid raking up old grievances.
    4. Consider different options until you can reach a satisfactory agreement.

I believe the more a couple communicative, the happier they will be. By way of communication, they learn to express intimate feelings like content and discontent, loves and hates in comfortable ways that facilitate mutual understanding, rather than just to grumble or complain.

I’ve come to understand that marriage is sharing, forgiving and growing with someone in the long run. When the dizzy passion and excitement fade, continue to treat your partner like your boyfriend or girlfriend instead of taking each other for granted. Valuing each other with respect and appreciation rather than just picking his/her up on daily mistakes. Seek comfort, reassurance. Laugh about something that didn't go too well. All of these enable us to overcome adversity and make it possible for the relationship to grow organically.

As life is short and things change perpetually, we ought to treasure every single day no matter whether it is memorable or ordinary, joyful or dire.

      Donna       24.10.06                                                                                                                                                                                                

Monday, November 24, 2014

你是否掉進O-Generation 的 陷阱?Are you in hell of O - Generation?

你是否掉進O-Generation 的 陷阱?

Are you in hell of O - Generation?

*『O世代』= Overworked, 

Overestimate self health, 

Overweight and Overwhelmed with Stress

  • 一方面縱使香港人對良好生活方式可改變個人健康狀況有高度


  • 一方面香港人最容易受到健康及生活狀況影響及困擾,明白這


  • 一方面憂慮健康帶來財務上,精神上的負擔,潛意識上沒有轉行動

這是一個很有趣的問題, 部分原因是-







我在病中冥想,領悟到这些道理和自己的問題,僅然發現和SUNLIFE 最近











Sunday, November 23, 2014

病中的領悟, A Hidden Blessing in Sickness

最近身體不太好,扁桃腺一直發炎, 全身都痛。但與以往不同的是,我沒有因此需要大量


一個種痛,好像是一種修行,抽離 , 思考自己的方向,如何避免 over-tiredness,burning 

out. 如何做到身,心,靈和合一,持續發展,持續成長.Truly love self and body mind 

in oneness. I am grateful I have realised that I must make myself in better health.

Remember this:

Sunlife 最近的Asian Survey on health life style 反映不少香港年輕到中年人都有以下極度













我自己就有overwork, overestimated myself and overlook health 的現象。產生強迫症的



have more freedom in the future at our old age,we have got to have more discipline 


I remember 心理治療大師 DrMilton Eriksson saying"patients are patients because 

they lost inner touch with themselves. 

我要坚持做自我催眠來修煉自己的紀律性. 與心身產生的連接. 做到身,心,靈和合一,

持續發展,持續成長.Truly love self and body mind in oneness

Thursday, November 20, 2014


Every behaviour has a positive intention -每個行為的背后,都有一個正面的動機

每次遇上困難,不知如何解決的問題,我就會溫習NLP,特別是NLP基石和信念- the presuppositions.带来启发和能量.

因為我相信, There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states.

當我平靜時,我相信我會接受問題,面對它,有能力處理它. 当人平静时,智慧就出来了!


Every behaviour has a positive intention.

No matter how strange, hurtful or inappropriate a person’s behaviour may seem to you; to the person engaging in that behaviour, it makes sense in their model of the world. They see the behaviour as the best or only way of meeting their need or achieving their outcome.
Similar ways to express this presupposition are:
  • Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources available to them.
  • Every behaviour is useful in some context.
  • Everyone is always doing what they believe is right.
  • This is the best choice available to a person given the circumstances as they see it.
The key is to appreciate the positive intention of the other person’s behaviour. This does not mean that you view the other person’s behaviour as positive. On the contrary, you may find it quite distasteful. You need to look behind their behaviour to notice their positive intention - for them, for you, for someone else, … . Once you have an understanding of their positive intention, explore alternative ways to help the person achieve it.

在每個人的世界裡,不論別人的行為多麼不合理,令你不舒服,或產生傷痛,必有它的需要. 但不等與認同別人的行為. 

化解分歧, 最重要是去了解別人的需要和動機;或幫別人找到其它方法,更正面,積極,健康的方法去到達這個需要或消除負面的情緒,如恐懼. 也達到你的目的,可能是解決問題,增進關系.搞好工作.提高效率等.

每個人都會找到最好的方法去到達自己的動機,當他們認識到的話.所以,以變化的眼光看事物,人的潛意識是最想對自己好的.有好的方法, 人們是可以接受和願意改變的.





Tuesday, November 18, 2014


從小到大,每個人天生都有喜、怒、哀、樂,也不斷感受喜、怒、哀、樂。但對喜、怒、哀、樂的態度, 卻隨著成長而改變。

容易開心還是不開心,容易生氣還是傾向平靜,容易埋怨還是選擇感恩?怎樣看這些發生在自己身上的一個個經歷, 決定了一個人的信念,心理和身體的健康質素和命運。也可以看到一個人是否真正在成長。


我想,我不是沒有不愉快的經驗和記憶,而是學習將所有的經歷轉化為成長的營養元素,人生的體驗。所以,對於任何失敗,錯誤,還是成功,都在學習接受和面對,享受學習的旅程,   這是我人生的態度。

每個人在不同的人生階段,都有第一次。甚至經常都有第一次的經歷。每個人都有自己成長的背景,給自己和別人多一些空間,容許自己犯錯,也容許別人的不是,想想他們的出發點,自己的出發點,動機大部分都是正向的,這樣,生氣地機會大大減少, 留下精力學習贊美別人的好處。了解自己的長處,同時每天反省修正,move forward! 隻有這樣,創意才可以得到最大的發揮。LIVING FULLY EACH moment.

Life is an experience, life is learning, life is an adventure, life is a constantly self-discovery. life is an learning of acceptance and letting go, losing small self. Just enjoy it!

Problems are not problems, how to see problems and how to react determine the outcome of our behavior. 

I really appreciate President Mandela’s saying about glory:


Friday, November 14, 2014


寫在華山“亂世修心” 講座和新書介紹會。

星期四13號在典範文化中心(上環)的華山“亂世修心” 講座和新書介紹會上,他分享如何將無我的修行,實踐在生活的點點滴滴,贈給每人一本他的新書外,還給我們帶來另一個禮物!


華山抓住這個機會,送給我們每一個聽眾一個心靈之旅 “核心情緒的轉化”的體驗。他認為,修行不是亂世才需要,而是一生的實踐。


華山說,“人生每一分鐘都在修行。” 原因就在此吧。






從華山分享他人生挫敗的學習和感悟,我們看到這樣一個活生生的例子 - 他用行動說明什麼是勇氣、真誠、慈悲、謙卑和偉大:







“當今人們講民主,到底什麼是真正的民主?真正民主精神是和而不同”,求同存異。真正民主精神是出於愛,而真正的愛是:“To love is to set others free.

學習與不同意見的人一起生活,工作,是人生一大學習。Yes, one of a big learning in life is to learn to live in difference. To live in a way that respect others and enhance freedom of others.


 “If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner. ”


Gandhi quote: The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.



"The meaning of life is not to win but to lose, until one day you have nothing more to lose, then you are free."

 <<無我抗爭>>,是和內在小我的「抗爭」,靜化,修行,達到心繫大愛,沒有敵人、沒有野心,無私貢獻。它不僅是華山一生的經驗的深華,也是每個人都可以參考的修行手冊。激勵我們每個人學習放下小我, 修煉成“無我”,活出更大的 “我們”,大愛的生命!