想起这篇文章：11年前登在明報的文章，送给天下有情人
My Article To all Lovers in the world - The Journey of Marriage
2007 1 3
The
Journey of Marriage
You
married your boyfriend because you fell for him on the very first date; or
because he gave you fulfillment, love, a sense of security and confidence; or
simply because you admired his intelligence, gorgeous looks and his sense of
humour. Whatever brought you together, after some time of married life, you may
come to realize that marriage, in fact, is not as ideal and sweet as you had
made it out to be.
Day
by day, disagreements appear which in time develop into more serious arguments.
This might be about preference of restaurants or color of a piece of furniture,
disputes from visiting whose parents-in-law first to financial issue, or from
which school should be selected for the kids to either of you having an affair…
You might feel the relationship in your marriage is wobbly since you have sensed that he is no longer the person you married - he has become too emotional or uncommunicative or even changed in so many respects. Is a break up inevitable? What would be the consequence of divorce? What would be its impact on the children? Would it be better to persevere in the hope of new start? You’re in a real dilemma.
All this is not imaginary but happens frequently especially to a young couple once a new life comes to the family.
Having been married for a good many years, I really feel that marriage is a journey of continuously adapting to ever-changing conditions. People change especially when experiencing ups and downs. Even our characters change with age and environment. Working pressures, differences in parenting, moving house, the loss of jobs, illness and the loss of family members occur. Many uncertainties and events may increase the strain on the relationship.
Conflicts are unavoidable. Try to talk potential problems over heart-to-heart and always develop and maintain regular communication. Ignoring issues will make problems worse and the relationship may eventually become irretrievable.
Here are some suggestions on what to do when things start going wrong:
1. Listen to your partner and try to understand his/her point of view;
2. Discuss the problems thoroughly, calmly and objectively.
3. Avoid raking up old grievances.
4. Consider different options until you can reach a satisfactory agreement.
I believe the more a couple communicative, the happier they will be. By way of communication, they learn to express intimate feelings like content and discontent, loves and hates in comfortable ways that facilitate mutual understanding, rather than just to grumble or complain.
I’ve come to understand that marriage is sharing, forgiving and growing with someone in the long run. When the dizzy passion and excitement fade, continue to treat your partner like your boyfriend or girlfriend instead of taking each other for granted. Valuing each other with respect and appreciation rather than just picking his/her up on daily mistakes. Seek comfort, reassurance. Laugh about something that didn’t go too well. All of these enable us to overcome adversity and make it possible for the relationship to grow organically.
As life is short and things change perpetually, we ought to treasure every single day no matter whether it is memorable or ordinary, joyful or dire.
By Donna Wong
