Sunday, October 31, 2021

再談如何不做受害者?



今天早上的噩夢,解開它,疏解了自己的情感,釋放了壓抑,我發現不知不覺把這些年學習、研究和實踐如何走出受害者、加害者和拯救者三角關係的感悟用了出來了,也解開了這個夢境:







這個噩夢給我的啓發好多,其中一部分是:有不開心,有委屈,但可以不做受害者!

大家有沒有被委屈,有不被尊重的感覺?如何在這種情況下不做受害者?
因爲受害者必然又是一個加害者,又會多一個受害者,冤冤相報何時了?

我覺得:
感覺就是感覺,受委屈,不開心,想哭,憤怒都是是真實的,必然的,不需要去壓抑,這些感覺是需要被聆聽,被同理,被明白,就會有轉機!當我們有這些感覺,我們可以以説是受了傷,但不等於我們就是一個傷害別人的受害者 - 加害者。


也就是說:有以上的情緒,是正常的。但我們不會把這些情緒轉嫁給別人,或以牙還牙地報復,或用自己都被傷害的方法再去傷害別人對方和其他無辜的人,特別是自己的摯愛和孩子、父母!

我們可以用健康的方法,好好表達的方法,良性溝通的方法去釋放出情緒,也發揮的情緒正向的功能:那就是:情緒是我們的生命探測器,生命的導航器。善用情緒,一個一生都要學習、實踐的課題。

這樣,我們就從情緒中成長了!


善用情緒智慧,走出情緒陷阱,活出渴望自己
《與情緒對話》工作坊記錄與反思

《走出情緒三角陷阱 - 覺察與療愈》

接纳自己,擁抱陰影,跨越陰影

童年烙印,如何療癒?
寫了一封信給婆婆,然後又用婆婆的名義回給自己一份信


從夢境探索到內在小孩的療愈

如何不做情緒的奴隸 ? (Updated version)

如何不被情緒困擾?

善用情緒智慧

如何看待情緒,如同怎樣看自己

情緒,你在講什麼?

Gabor Mate on How We Become Who We Are ?

 從準媽媽懷孕的情緒,三歲前的照顧,到童年創傷,如何影響人的一生,從如何活出真正的自己,到如何面對死亡,死亡的意義,帶出 活出fully living,

Dr Gabor Mate self life experiences sharing 給我很大啟發,有句話這樣說的:

When people are just trying to survive it's hard for them to consider transformation.
You have to have compassion to look at yourself...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2cJb1QeMIQ




This episode is sponsored by NorthOne. Learn more at https://northone.com/impact As adults we all have some degree of trauma from our childhood to cope with. Maybe it’s falling downhill and being left with a scar, or maybe it’s more severe and involves emotional neglect. For many adults,it’s easy to believe there was never any trauma, life was great and their childhood was filled with happy memories. In this episode, Gabor Mate explains how easily unconscious traumas from childhood can be identified. He shares years of experience and wisdom with Tom in this conversation that explores the depths of truth and meaning in life, and how that fits in with our physical and behavioral manifestations of broken adult expectations and stressors. Gabor Mate, is a deep thinker, childhood development expert, and expert of addiction. He shares his unique insights on how to deal with severe trauma and how to get the most out of life by moving beyond mere survival. SHOW NOTES: Reality | Gabor on how people view reality and the Johnny Cash song, In Your Mind [1:14] Childhood Development | Gabor reveals the shaping window of development for children [3:01] Stress Defined | Gabor explain the terminology of stress and its triggers [5:40] Emotional Work | Ongoing emotional work that takes consciousness and awareness [9:13] Trauma | Gabor discusses severe trauma, how it shows up physically and in behavior [10:12] Being Sensitive | Advantage and disadvantage of being highly sensitive [12:18] Empathetic Support | Gabor talks about empathetic support for persons with trauma [12:43] Beyond Mental | Gabor reveals makes life more profound beyond the mental experience [20:04] Feeling vs. Being | Gabor presents difference between feeling and a state of being [22:11] Self-Isolation | Gabor explores self-isolation and the state of pain versus enlightenment. [22:32] Expectations | Gabor describes the expectations of the nervous system [24:30] Broken Society | how modern society is dysregulating us and how broken our society is [30:31] Child Development | Gabor reveals what healthy child development [41:04] Meaning & Purpose | Gabor pushes on Tom’s value for meaning equated with hard work [51:20] Truth Not Facts | Gabor explains difference between truth and facts [59:54] Life after 70 | Gabor shares what keeps him going in his seventies is just who he is [1:07:58] Palliative Care | Gabor share his experience and perspective with palliative care [1:14:18] Commitment | Gabor and Tom talk about commitment [1:30:42] Marriage | Lessons from 51 years of marriage [1:35:23] Unconscious Trauma | Processing trauma that you’re not consciously aware of [1:41:13] Suffering From Past |Gabor shares a quote to explain how suffering isn’t always labeled [1:43:19] Dissociated from suffering | Gabor explains pain suppressed and misinterpreted [1:45:54] QUOTES: “When people are just trying to survive it's hard for them to consider transformation, so people that are under economic pressure, or racially oppressed, or under economic threat, political conflict these make it difficult for people because people are just in survival mode.” [11:43] “There’s essence, there’s truth that goes beyond what the mind can comprehend” [20:34] “There’s a way of isolating yourself as a way of committing yourself to enlightenment which means that you’ll stay away from people for the rest of your life it just means you’re going to go deep into yourself and not be distracted by all that the world throws at you [23:32] “Then there’s another way to isolate yourself which is a defensive one, which is ‘the world is so awful, the heck with them all, I don’t need anybody,’ that will protect you from some kinds of hurt, cause if you withdraw from relationships you’ll never be betrayed, so that’s true, on the other hand, that itself is a state of pain” 23:49 “Survival and fully being alive and fully living are not the same thing” [25:39] “There’s lots of facts out there, but truth is much larger than facts, it’s integrating the facts in a picture of reality.” [1:00:05] “A life without truth is not a meaningful life” [1:04:46] “the beauty does not go away. Should your marriage come to 51 years, as mine has, you’ll be looking into your wife’s eyes and you’ll be seeing the same beauty that you saw the first day you met her” [1:34:02] “You have to have the compassion to look at yourself not through the voice that tells you you’re worthless, but to say if I reacted that way it must be a good reason for it. Something in me, there’s something that happened to me that made me react that way at some point” [1:39:35] “There’s all kinds of memory and the body carries memory even if it doesn’t carry recall”

31 11 2021

掉牙了

我一生記得的掉牙夢,這是第二次。非常重視。

今早發的,很清晰,vivid


夢中,我拿著那顆誇張的爛牙齒 有些詫異,這麽大啊!爛的好嚴重哦。我用舌頭舔下那個空了的位子,還好,不痛。心想:要馬上看牙醫,裝上一顆假牙。

夢中的心情:心情平靜,牙齒部位也不痛,感覺是很接納它的發生,雖然又多了一件事情要辦。

夢境和現實的差異,從切入點,問問題

回到清醒狀態:

現實中的牙齒小很多,雖然不是太好,還在用,相信還可以用一段時間呢。

這明顯是一個和身體有關的夢境,還有心理上的一些需要,與牙齒有關,trigger了我。

感覺是什麽?

夢中感覺:

覺得這件事發生是很自然的,心情很平靜。

醒來的感覺:夢境相當夸張的表達,夢境平靜如水的狀態,不禁令我有些震驚。爲什麽潛意識的自己,我的内在世界會這樣去表達自己的身體 ( 牙齒),心理 (平靜)?

夢因和聯想 ( triggers and free association, feel the feelings inside and outside of dreams) 

最近左邊做過根管治療的牙齒有些不舒服( 身體上),尤其是睡前,想起早前洪朝豐老師的牙痛,一直想問下他的情況好些嗎,但總是忘記了,還沒有做 ( 心理上)。這個夢,我一邊寫,一邊做,馬上做了!

Insights ( listen to inner voice, dream is our our subconscious self, widow self, who uses story and movie style to express itself) 

1

這個小夢,再一次提醒自己要小心健康問題,因爲牙齒痛反應身體的狀況,一些signals ,先兆, 要我們去感受和做出回應,可能是吃了東西要多些漱口,保持口腔乾净。可能是要多些休息...否則掉牙齒,(醫生有提醒),只是遲早的事情,也許要提前。

2

心理上,一個敦促,我馬上會問下老師,你的牙齒痛好些嗎,身體怎樣,心情。

敦促我多關心身邊人。

3

夢境中的平靜,是表達對於身體的退化,病痛,一方面要預防,不要掉以輕心,也許提醒身體其他的問題或預兆。所以夢境用了擴張的手法;另一方面要接納,面對,好好愛自己,所以用了平靜的感覺其表達。夢境看是有些矛盾對立,其實明白夢境背後的真正意義,矛盾就不再矛盾,統一了。是身心合一的過程...( 提醒我生命的寶貴,來到另一個階段了)

Take Away Message:

解夢目的不只是爲了瞭解自己,明白自己,最重要的是做些事情,夢境想我們做些什麽?去回應身體、心理和心靈上的呼喚、需要或提醒。

When we follow our dream insights, make a micro difference slowly, big difference in life will be achieved gradually. 

這就是我喜歡講的:跨越夢境,活出夢想,活出更好的自己。 

(注: 每次解開夢境,未必是全部的内涵和信息,可能只是一部分,有些夢境是一生都要去解的,與很多事情牽連,帶著一生修行去解)

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解夢目的不只是爲了瞭解自己,明白自己,最重要的是解完要做些事情,夢境想我們做些什麽?去回應身體、心理和心靈上的呼喚、需要或提醒。
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When we follow our dream insights, make micro difference , big difference in life will be achieved gradually.

31 10 2021