Donna Wong
健康界限不僅是與外的關係，而且包括與自己内在的關係，以
health care, self love，自愛、自重、自我的健康為依歸。沒有良好的内在健康界限，就不可能與外在保持健康界限。
health care, self love，自愛、自重、自我的健康為依歸。沒有良好的内在健康界限，就不可能與外在保持健康界限。
Donna Wong
https://www.facebook.com/donnawinter2000/posts/10221167813730415
每當我們在衝突中做了受害者、加害者、拯救者，我們知道，每個人都會受到傷害，都是受害者。是在玩一個受害者的游戲。沒有一個人受惠，全部都suffer！
參考：什麽是受害者心態，加害者心態，拯救者心態？如何走出來？
走出情緒三角陷阱 Drama Triangle - 陰影的覺察與療愈
https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2021/05/drama-triangle.html
如何不做受害者、加害者、拯救者？那麽我們要懂得設立健康界限。
健康界限不僅是要別人明白你的健康界限，而且也要明白別人的健康界限。是基於一個互相尊重、互相理解和互相關照的關係上的。
健康界限不僅是和對外的關係，而且是對内在自己的關係，是基於health care，
selflove 自愛、自重、自我的健康為依歸。
On Self caring:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtsHUeKnkC8
This talk was given at a local TEDxSnoIsleLibraries event and produced independently of the TED Conferences. Sarri Gilman has found that clear boundaries enhance relationships and the quality of life. Sarri is author of “Transform Your Boundaries,” which she based on insights gleaned from decades of experience as a marriage and family therapist. She is the founder of two organizations that support the needs of children and teens facing homelessness. In both, she created partnerships and unique programs to increase the chances of success for youth in overwhelming circumstances.
People overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed out.
How to strengthen your boundary?
If you allow your compass and boundaries to take care of you, you mitigate stress
Stress is very serious issue. Setting boundaries helps us to reduce and prevent stress from accumulating.
setting boundaries is sweating, a brief stress but after it, you are relief.
The compass is to take care of you. Any way to improve self care?
Self care is a huge landscape - it is you you find happiness, companionship , balance, enjoyment, play, rest, how you treat yourself.
a Workaholics to a balanced therapist:
My compass to say NO for my wellbeing.
listening to our inner voice - self care - in meeting your challenges:
your family issues, confrontation, financial problems...dealing with addition issue
if your family has cancer, you need more care for yourself so that you can be stronger supporter in a long run for you and for them.
second, reach our, find resources for support, ask for help, go to class and therapist,
Third, to focus on choosing your responsibility and limiting your time during the challenges so that you have time to recover during a big challenges
Shut out, take more self care than anything else and you will find yourself going through life with less stress.
這是我現在最需要的法寶
A lot of my dreams teach me to listen to my body voice and to take care of myself fully.
這幾天，我都在思考健康界限的課題。
一位朋友說：她的朋友建議她要每星期做三次瑜伽，她自己還每星期和家人踩三次單車，白天還要在網上上股票課程，做交易。她還要煮飯，做家務，在社區做義工...等等，每天她都累的要命，晚上也睡的不好，不知如何是好，一大早要起床開車送孩子上學...。
這就是一個典型沒有健康界限的例子，首先就是沒有health care 的自我健康管理，
這是她的問題關鍵。
然後是對別人的建議也不敢say No，自己的精力不夠，好還死頂，這是非常危險的。
其實，我也有這種情況。
別人的教訓，也是我的問題。
以下界限管理的videos，我每一個都認真地聼，希望令自己有一個健康界限，也可以幫助更多人學習健康界限，每個人都能活得free，自由和自我掌控。
什麽是健康界限，如何設定?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFAEeOd3H9k
This video is shorter and teach us what is boundary and the purposes of setting boundaries:
List the things you need to set a boundary?
How to set it?
use clear I statement to make not offensive
Learn to say no and ask for help if you are not sure people understand you
purposes to set up boundaries:
1
keep us safe and health, happy and free
2
to learn to respect others boundaries by listening their need with empathy in return
3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUpZgwLQvSM
1
No need to explain too much how you are nice when you're say NO.
You are the decision maker to decide if u will accept others' advice or not. Your decision cannot please all and that's OK.
2
Don't let people that don't matter too much matter too much
3
Don't let people think what you say is matter, is gold, is everything.
You got your own stuff to handle, You don't have to take anybody else
You need to consider your own benefit and care of yourself more. ill helping is like that
4
We need to have empathy to think from other's view point
https://youtu.be/j_NphArU6bY
Why are people always talking about healthy boundaries with friends, loved ones, family, and those struggling with addiction? Hear from Sober College Dr. Holly Daniels about boundaries, codependency, relationships and more.
Healthy boundaries are not about keeping people at bay but keep people in as well having healthy and authentic reciprocal relationship
We need to have firm and permeable way:
You know what you want and need at your end but also want to enjoy the peak of relationships.
How to form health boundaries?
We all born in enmeshed and unboundaried state
When we are first born, we are purposed entwined with our mothers ( 纏繞在一起)
Parenting examples:
to demonstrate healthy boundary a parent need as model for their kids:
To have a healthy, reciprocal relationship (建立健康互惠的關係)
A Too permeable, unhealth boundary, a little bit enmeshed , the child sadness, hurt and pain become their own pain. Then the parent becomes very angry, crying and lost control , not feeling stable.
They may drive the car to school and give a piece of their mind
or say I can feel how pain it is for you and you can take whole next week off of school.
The parent is sucked in the 16 year old emotion experience. They cannot be calm and helpful.
It not only makes the situation worse for the child but the child has no chance to learn how to incorporate with the experience of being with somebody with healthy boundary
B Too firm and harsh
setting like a wall
see her daughter cry, sand and angry.
But she just say oh, it will be OK, you should experience this as I had before or you should have nothing to complain about. Then she turns on TV again, ignoring her.
So the child will be more angrier, sadder and has not chance to learn healthy boundary from their parents but be hurt again. They become more shamed or even afraid to show their emotion, to experience their emotion. The child may stuff away all emotion or become super emotional in order to get their parents heard above parents dysfunctions.
In either case, it is hard for their child to tolerate their parents emotion, feeling helpless and may turn to drugs and alcohol, or unhealthy relationship, or eating disorder in order to deal with their own emotional discomfort.
C empathetic way with space and trust as a self development
this is not parent's hurt, this is the kid's hurt, so that the parent can stay calm, be supportive to their kid , expresses to their child they are sorry that this is this happened. And give them a hug and talk it out right給他們一個擁抱，好好談談.
I am here to listen to you. It is not my pain and I am OK. I can let you in and support you with hug and empathy. I feel for your pain and wound, setting an example of good healthy boundary.
why children become super emotional or become stuff all emotion away right in order to get herself heard above the parents dysfunction. Children cannot tolerate emotion and turn to addiction of drugs and alcohol, bad eating disorders in order to deal with their emotional discomfort.
Why are people always talking about healthy boundaries with friends, loved ones, family, and those struggling with addiction? Hear from Sober College Dr. Holly Daniels about boundaries, codependency, relationships and more.
If you have questions, please do not hesitate to give us a call or get the full transcript of this talk on http://sobercollege.com.
Brene Brawn on Boundaries
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WpdsRPzKco
Boundaries with Brene
Watch NOW for information on boundaries, empathy, compassion and how they all work together to be genuine and authentic in your interactions with others.
Most passionate people she interviewed in the past 13 years are the most absolutely boundaries
hateful
No boundary :
we let people to do things not ok and we are resentful and hateful
I will never know people are doing the best or not but assume people are making my life better.
Generosity is to assume the best of people is almost the selfish art
Generosity cannot exit without boundary and we are not comfortable in setting boundaries because we keep thinking what people would think and we don't want to disappoint anyone and we want everyone to like us and set boundary i snot easy.
Self Love is the key to treat with love and kindness.
You cannot do anything sustainable without boundaries.
compassion is deeply held belief that were inextricably connected with each others by something rooted in love, goodness. Empathy is the skill to keep compassion alive. Empathy teach people they are not alone and since we are kids we are taught to be empathetic. When people are angry , are in their dark and emotional, we use empathy to feel with them, not to feel for them: you are not alone, me too.
Empathy is infinite : you give one and get back more. It given back tenfold what you put out. It is sustainable.
Empathy without boundary is not empathy
Compassion without boundaries is not compassion.
Without boundary, nothing is sustainable
Boundaries are not separation, division, they are respect here what is OK and what is not OK for both sides to accept comfortably and no guilt or hurt feeling.
Dr. Brené Brown: The Two Most Dangerous Words in Your Vocabulary | SuperSoul Sunday | OWN
Dr. Brené Brown started her research on vulnerability, worthiness and shame six months before September 11, 2001, and says our culture has been marked by deep fear since then. That fear, she says, has now shifted from external events to the fear that we as individuals are simply not enough. Watch to find out why, Dr. Brown says, those two words lead us to shut down emotionally and spiritually. For more on #supersoulsunday, visit WatchOWN.tv/SSS
What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior?
they engage in boundary violation for themselves and others, depression people
they usually have poor boundary for themselves
agree too much
never say no
or violating other people's boundary for personality disorder people , asking for endless help
精神内耗 Internal Friction https://yourwellnesstribe.com/internal-friction/
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