28 4 2022
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在當今壓力巨大的社會環境中，我們都看到到不少家庭，不時會出現情緒問題，甚至肢體暴力！自殺個案也在飆升！
爲什麽會容易大發脾氣？爲什麽控制不到自己的情緒？
爲什麽會把發脾氣當成家常便飯，當成自己的權力和武器？
如何不小心就會跌進地雷陣，互相對駡，自相“殘殺”？
如何避免？
1 理解以上的“爲什麽”：
問題不是問題，如何看待問題，才是問題本身。
PERCEPTION IS PROJECTION
we can’t perceive anything out side of ourselves that is not us.
change perception， change projection
We tend to perceive people and events around us based on our preconceived filters and those preconceived filters, Carl Jung called archetypes. Which means that much of our perception and therefore much of our projection are archetypes and is influenced by our personal beliefs, personal choices, your personal decisions, etc.
我們無法感知自己沒有的東西。
改變認知，改變投射
我們傾向於根據我們先入為主的過濾器和那些先入為主的過濾器來感知我們周圍的人和事件，Carl Jung 稱之為原型。這意味著我們的大部分感知以及我們的大部分投射都是原型，並受到您的個人信仰、個人選擇、您的個人決定等的影響。
以下我的分享，可以深入理解爲什麽會情緒發出來，是投射他們或自己過去的東西，甚至創傷。可以給你一些啓發：
原生家庭的問題，生命的課題：
有的是別人的課題，有的是自己的課題，分清楚。
如何不被情緒困擾？
如何不被自己和別人的情緒糾纏？
How to deal with guilt －探討内疚 ，轉化内疚
How to make friends with anxiety and fears 如何與焦慮恐懼做朋友
2 搞清楚我是誰，自己的價值在哪裏
EGO v.s. SELF ESTEEM
EGO definition:
The one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that serves as the organized conscious mediator between the person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality
— compare ID, SUPEREGO
Ego： Ego： 由兩部分組成， 一部分是意識的，一部分是潛意識的。
who am I? 一部分由我們的認知決定。另一部分，是由我們的潛意識決定。
EGOISM:
有的人覺得自己總是對的，別人都是錯的。When one overvalues themselves, exaggerates for who they are, he feels he is superior to others, looking down others. Inside, they are very fearful to be seen as a loser or to open their vulnerability.
This kind of people have traumas and lack of love, esp. self love, due to childhood trauma or never healed accumulated traumas.
Low ego:
有的人總是通過誇大自己受害者的身份，去證明自己是對的，沒有錯！總是把自己當成受害者，都是別人的錯！受害心態越大，情緒就越大，心情就越差，但EGO也就越舒服一些。
the more feeling of victimization, the more worse feeling will come and better ego to create, feeling better to self to release fear and insecurity as a secondary gain. . Very ironic and 矛盾的人性。that's human vulnerability.
Both are distorted who they are, lost connection with inner self
正向的EGO： self-regard, self-respect, self love, self recognition, self connection and self awareness , that is called positive self-esteem.
To have a sense of self identification, recognition is the path to find deeper, greater self , who you are.
Everyone is beyond their physical, material, social status of themselves. To have a sense of self identification, recognition is the path to find deeper, greater self , who you are.
Here is an example:
SELF ESTEEM BUILDIING EXAMPLE：
在一次夢境治療中，我的好朋友 （ 一位退休護理係講師）告訴我，她發了一個夢，夢中，她和小狗洗澡，但她沒有好好照顧，然後小狗說，我不是狗，我是人啊！
之前她覺得她的導師有些話令她不舒服，她感到不被尊重。加上内心的長期壓抑和自我價值和身份矛盾，trigger導致這個夢境。
這次夢境治療，我和她做了三個多鐘頭的討論，她開始深刻理解了自己，self esteem issue ， inner child issue, 内在急需、極大需要被認同，被理解，内在自己被接觸，被看到， 童年的孤單，被忽略的感覺，沒有人幫的lonelyness， 不時出來，要求被看到！我讓她和自己内在孩子對話，擁抱她，内在的心底話，説了好多...她 再一遇見了一個美麗的内在小孩，非常能幹和聰明的孩子，有愛心的孩子。她慢慢懂得看到自己的美麗，也看到丈夫的好。 這是第二次她真正聽到内在小孩的哭泣。第一次是小鬼影子夢，她第一次從vividly看到自己的童年了，自己内在孩子，她哭了。原來這個鬼影子就是自己内在小孩，不離不棄，跟著自己，直到老！
兩個夢境，都是令人很不舒服、有些可怕，但解開了，我和她都心花怒放！擁抱！
她成長了！夢境是來療愈自己的最好良藥！
和自己好好相處，是多麽美好。以前很在意別人如何看她，現在，她享受自己當下，做好自己。沒有不自在，憂悶的感覺了。
這幾年，我們成爲知己，大家都視對方為自己的生命導師。
我送給的圖片，也送給自己，
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現在，我送給你，渴望通過這個夢境治療的briefing, 你也看到自己更多的美麗，看到自己需要被好好照顧，被理解的部分，做自己的内在理想父母。慢慢，不期望別人認同自己。同樣，看到身邊人，他們也有許多渴望被理解的内心世界。需要你去感受。
我的朋友她看到這幅圖，都笑了出來。太妙了。其實，這個小狗的夢在說：一切都是自己如何看自己吧！自己的perception project into her dream world - subconscious world only。 change perception， change projection, change the world
Just to note that I use very short summary to give you an ideas of self esteem building process, actually, she has used 7 years to learn dream therapy, hypnotherapy with me. She is my coach to help me to run workshops, courses as well. So many dreams study and emotion healing processes.
Not one time, but bit by bit. every time made a bit progress. I also learnt from my cases ,
clients life stories.
Reference：
我的價值誰來決定？（ Praise Therapy 3)
What I reflected and learned from above talk
The more feeling of victimization, the more worse feeling will come and better ego to create, feeling better to self to release fear and insecurity as a secondary gain. . Very ironic and
矛盾的人性。that's human vulnerability
ego, on one aspect is people think he is exaggerated for who they are, they are. better than others, over self valued , looking down others, he is superior to others.
Another aspect is people have strong
self identity, self image that they are more victimized than somebody else, more victimized than others. Then they have underestimate themselves.
Both are distorted who they are, lost connection with inner self
With such philosophy and perception, identity is just me, my personality, my history... but that is too superficial, we are much beyond that.
the talk is 哲學，profound. I follow the professor for years.
everyone is beyond their physical, material, social status of themselves. To have a sense of self identification, recognition is the path to find deeper, greater self , who you are.
low self value , rooted course , from childhood of course ,trauma need to heal not to repeat
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