The psychotherapist Lori 's speech inspires me how to answer people's questions in telephones and in writing about their troubles and their problems.
像Lori一样，我也常常聽別人說故事，很慘的，單方面的，完全是一個受害者的狀態。
作為一個心理治療師，我們如何和個案交談？如何啟發個案走出受害者的牢籠？為自己的生命故事做EDITOR？寫出自己真正想寫的故事？
And I learnt that
Life is story making process.
It is us to write what we want to write. And what we write will create what we are and change our life.
Stories help you make sense of your life -- but when these narratives are incomplete or misleading, they can keep you stuck instead of providing clarity. In an actionable talk, psychotherapist and advice columnist Lori Gottlieb shows how to break free from the stories you've been telling yourself by becoming your own editor and rewriting your narrative from a different point of view.
My approach on how to get out of victims mindset:
如何不做情緒的奴隸 ？ (Updated version)
情緒的奴隸，往往糾纏在情緒勒索和被勒索的遊戲中。
何谓情緒勒索？
20 3 2021
Reference：
https://www.richroll.com/podcast/lori-gottlieb-464/
23 3 2021
Psychotherapist's Hacks on How to Change Your Life | Lori Gottlieb on Impact Theory
[21:42, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: be careful about what u think about yourself, ur inner voice and your critics about yourself. You have choices
[21:49, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: listen and write from others points of view
make your stories more objective, more complete
[21:55, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: unfinished businesses will affect every side in our new family life, marriage life
[22:00, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: loss of family 👪
loss of jobs
loss of wealth...
loneliness ...
miscarriage...
lots of trauma from childhood
[22:01, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: take responsibility of our choices i.stead of blaming or victimize yourself
[22:08, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: forgiveness makes more understanding of each other and not let the things to bother you anymore but didn't mean you agreed with the behavior
[22:08, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: so you can move forward
[22:12, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: vulnerability is not a fault, when we truly express ourselves in a positive way, our emotion can be released
[22:13, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: if we want to cry, just let it cry
[22:16, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: give a space to be vulnerable
[22:17, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: men are not abler to express themselves than women
[22:18, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: hardwired and malleable ?
[22:19, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: we will be much happier if we can face our vulnerable side, dark side, weakness
[22:27, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: listen to people behind their lines, their unspeakable parts.
Men used to be trained to be strong, not speak their weaknesses and vulnerability
[22:27, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: that makes their immunity overloaded
[22:29, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: People can feel their pain, express their pain, they can be alive
[22:30, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: you will die if you repress your pain. Instead, you will be alive, happier when you can empress your pain
[22:34, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: you can't move on if you hold the past and regret at good past never come me, victimized.
Focus on now and how to create happiness now and future.
[22:39, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: you can still remember your pain and feel it but integrate it in our life by use the experience to open up your freedom to present and future.
“At some point in our lives, we have to let go of the fantasy of creating a better past” - Lori Gottileb“
[22:41, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: use the painful experience to in life and not sabotage ourselves - no self attack self...
[22:42, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: to make peace of it even still painful
[22:43, 3/23/2021] Donna Wong 🌈😀: do that we can move forward and taste freedoms that we never have before
Express feelings, recognize feelings instead of repress them, avoid listen to them or 麻木自己，
感受自己的感受，這是對自己負責任，愛自己。否則，身體會病，精神會錯亂，崩潰。
FEELING OUR FEELINGS MAKES US KNOW OURSELVES BETTER, MORE DETAILEDLY , CONNECTED. feelings always come before action. So if we can control our feelings, we can control our emotions and our destiny
People tend to concern other feelings about our feelings, how people see us if we express our true feelings, then, they forget their own feelings are more important。
People are afraid of express feelings are more concerned about to be disconnected with others, not to be in belongs
that is a self rescue skill but ill skill
when we listen to our feelings, we can hear that many self talks are self critical to ourselves, bullying ourselves, we feel so shamed about ourselves
self flagellation never helps us grow
self accountability and self compassion in combination helps us to grow
why do you want to be a therapist ?
I am more like an editor as every time into therapy , I listened to people's stories and I find that we can be a lovers or victims, but we can also be a learners, explore.
My jobs are to expand their horizon, put their own feet into others shoes and use others view to talk our stories, we can re-write our stories and listen to unspoken parts, our own feelings, others feelings..., we can complete our stories and make a changes.
It is you to change, not me, that makes us stuck
how to deal with grief, with loss and overcome the deadly thirsty to go back to have a happy childhood.
you still can feel grief, recognize it but at the same time you move forward into adulthood, to be your inner parents of inner self.
Try to distract pain, to hind pain, to cover pain. that makes pain worsen
Everyone has pain , that is human. Pain is unavoidable but suffering is optional.
It is us to create suffering, exaggerated it or make it a bigger fuss.
We have to deal with grief, not just for us but for others benefit
anger is only behavior
underneath it is anxiety insecurity, guilt, and traumatic emotions trapped us
grief. Ambiguous grief
something you want but you never get it because you worry you will lose it
how to deal with grief, with loss and overcome the deadly thirsty to get back your a happy childhood.
you still can feel grief, recognize it and you will open up , you find you have more choices, but at the same time you move forward into adulthood, to be your inner parents of inner self
share the feelings and people get open up, warm their own hearts, icebreaking themselves to themselves, to know themselves better.
find a right person to talk to is crucial. Not find the idiot compassionate persons who might give you more pressure anxiety and trauma.
find a right person to talk to is crucial. Not find the idiot compassionate persons who might give you more pressure anxiety and trauma.
how to be good of others ?
speaking others languages and listen to their stories
be interested and interesting
sharing
How do you feel ?
icebreaking
use a metaphor to describe yourself
your childhood
how do u feel?
Kindness
before we speak something, we will think how it will land onto other, make any impacts on others
what i learned from my therapy work is everyone just want to be heard , to be understood, to be recognized. They open up when come to.me.
Maybe you should talk to someone
book best selling
my six words stories
dreams listen to my inner voice , feeling my feelings transformed me today's self
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