Friday, May 27, 2022

Relationship Attachment Styles - 依附關係的模式


https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/
你傾向與哪一種依附關係模式?
What kind of Relationship Attachment Styles do you incline to?
學習Relationship Attachment Styles - 依附關係的模式,讓我對關係中的各種依附形態和成因有了更清晰的認識。幫助我深入地區讀懂自己,讀懂家人。為提升親密關係,提供很多資源。

依附關係的模式,如何影響親密關係?根據巴塞洛繆和霍洛維茨 ( Bartholomew and Horowitz,) 等人的著作,成人依戀類型有四種:
安全型
焦慮-占有型
輕視-迴避型
恐懼-迴避型

每個人在家庭和親密關係中,不多不少都有一些依附心態,可能屬於以下一種或幾種都有一些,大多數人都有不同程度的四種依附特徵,這可能會隨著時間而改變,可以變得更完善,當我們不斷自我成長,不斷從錯誤和經驗中學到如何提升自己的價值感和溝通能力, 走向安全型方向。否則,也可以變得更焦慮、逃避型,完全是自己的選擇 。
以下是每種關係類型的一些最主要特徵

自我安全感型的特徵:
  • 較高的情商。能夠適當和建設性地傳達情緒。
  • 能夠發送和接收健康的親密表達。
  • 能夠在需要時劃定健康、適當和合理的界限。
  • 獨自一人以及與同伴一起都感到舒服安全。
  • 傾向於對人際關係和個人互動有積極的看法。
  • 更有可能從容應對人際交往困難。
  • 討論問題是為了解決問題,而不是攻擊。
  • 具有面對關係破裂、失去時的彈性。能夠在悲傷中,學習和繼續向前。
焦慮-占有欲型的的特徵
  • 有強烈焦慮-占有欲型的人往往有以下幾個特徵:
  • 總體上,特別是浪漫關係上傾向於緊張和沒有安全感。
  • 基於真實和想像的事件的關係中,產生許多壓力源。這些壓力源可以通過各種可能的問題表現出來,例如需要、佔有欲、嫉妒、控制、情緒波動、過度敏感、強迫症等。
  • 傾向於消極思考。
  • 需要不斷感到愛和得到別人的肯定才感到安全和被接受。當沒有定期地得到愛和被肯定,就會做出負面消極的反應。
  • 情緒導向。不斷自我搞出關係問題,以尋求愛的驗證、保證和被接受。有些人對有情緒暴風雨的關係比平靜和平的關係感到更正常舒服。吵吵鬧鬧的生活才是正常?!
  • 不喜歡沒有陪伴。對獨自相處感到很困難。
  • 有很多情緒創傷沒有得到處理和修行。
輕視-迴避型的特徵
  • 避免真正的親密關係。
  • 渴望身體和情感上的自由
  • 推開那些靠得太近的人(“我需要呼吸的空間。”)
  • 把親密浪漫關係放在不重要的位置,例如在工作、社交生活、個人項目和激情、旅行、娛樂等,伴侶經常被排除在外,或者只在邊緣存在。
  • 有些人寧願單身也不願安定下來。即使在忠誠的關係中,他們也將自主權看得比其他任何東西都重要。
恐懼、迴避型的特徵
  • 通常早年經歷悲傷、遺棄和虐待。
  • 渴望但同時抗拒親密關係。充滿內心衝突。
  • 很難相信和信任別人,但又很想依賴對方。
  • 即使對方給與愛,墮入愛河,總是害怕身體上和/或情感上被傷害。
  • 類似於焦慮型,常常懷疑他人的意圖、言語和行為。
  • 類似於輕視-迴避,將人們推開,幾乎沒有真正親密的關係。
 

 如前所述,大多數人都有不同程度的四種親密關係風格,可能會​​隨著時間而改變,隨著成長而成熟,走向高自尊,高安全感。
具有高安全感型的人並不等於完美。他們也有起起落落,如果被激怒,他們會變得不安。但他們整體成熟的人際關係方式使其成為四種成人依附關係中最健康的一種。
儘管那些有高自我安全感為主的人往往會成為強有力的伴侶,但其他三種類型為主的人也有可能建立成功的關係。自我意識、相互支持、共同成長的意願,需要時尋求專業幫助,也可以成爲很好的伴侶。
有高自我安全感的親密關係型,給我們樹立一個健康關係的模式。
 
依附關係模式的學習,我測試了自己的
interpersonal attachment style,https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/
用幾分鐘時間,看看自己的傾向,作為參考也不錯。根據這個測試,我屬於安全型,我欣慰看到自己的親密關係的模式在成長,也看到自己還有很多進步的空間,也有一些不健康的影子,給予我非常重要的提醒:
如何成爲一個有高自我價值感的人,把這種精神貫徹到家庭關係中,做一個有慈悲心、有健康界限的人,當自己感到安全和快樂,身邊人也會感到安全和快樂。

婚姻不是愛情的墳墓,而是感情的土壤,
婚姻不是要去苦苦維持,而是要去一起成長、享受過程。

各種依附關係,都源於童年經歷:

我們的童年如何影響我們成年人的親密關係?以下童年的情感依附圖,可以帶來什麽反思:



如何療愈童年創傷?

依附關係,源於童年經歷:

我們的童年如何影響我們成年人的親密關係?

依附理論(英語:attachment theory)是關於人類個體之間關係心理學進化論行為學理論。最重要的原則是,幼兒需要與至少一名主要照顧者建立關係,以促進正常的社交情感(能力)發展。該理論由精神病學家和精神分析學家約翰·鮑比提出。[1]

在依附理論中,與依附相關的嬰兒行為主要是在壓力情況下尋求接近依附對象。嬰兒會依附於那些在與他們的社交互動中敏感和反應靈敏的成年人,並且在大約六個月到兩歲的這段時間裏,他們會在幾個月內保持一致的照顧者身份。在這個時期的後期,孩子們開始使用依附人物(熟悉的人)作為探索和返回的安全基地。撫養者的反應導致依附模式的發展;這些反過來又會導致內部運作模式,這些模式將指導個人在以後的關係中的感受、想法和期望。[2] 失去依附對象後的分離焦慮或悲傷被認為是依附嬰兒的正常和適應性反應。這些行為可能已經進化,因為它們增加了孩子的生存概率[3]

發展心理學瑪麗·愛因斯沃斯(Mary Ainsworth)在 1960 年代和 1970 年代的研究支持了基本概念,引入了「安全基礎」(英語:secure base)的概念,並發展了嬰兒多種依附模式的理論:安全依附、迴避依附和焦慮依附。[4] 第四種模式,混亂的依附,後來被發現。在 1980 年代,該理論擴展到成人的依附。[5] 其他交互可能被解釋為包括依附行為的組成部分;這些包括所有年齡段的同伴關係、浪漫和性吸引力以及對嬰兒或病人和老人的護理需求的反應。



依附類型[編輯]


安全型依附(Secure attachment)[編輯]

一個安全型依附的小孩在陌生情境中,當主要照顧者(普遍為媽媽)在身邊的時候可以自由地探索環境,和陌生人互動,當主要照顧者離開時可能會難過哭泣,當主要照顧者回來時,小孩會很快地靠近照顧者尋求安撫。安全依附有助社會及情緒的發展,嬰兒才能適應與親本分離致力於探索環境,而發展出自我概念,此理論其具影響性。

焦慮矛盾型依附(Anxious-ambivalent attachment)[編輯]

此類型的小孩即使當主要照顧者就在身旁時,面對探索和陌生人時依然會感到焦慮。當照顧者離開時,小孩會非常的沮喪;當照顧者回到身旁時,小孩又變得很矛盾,明明想跟照顧者保持親近卻充滿憤怒,當照顧者開始注意他時又會想要反抗。

根據一些心理學家的研究發現此類型的嬰兒的母親/主要照顧者特性為:照顧能力差、不懂得如何滿足嬰兒的需求、不一致的行為。

迴避型依附(Avoidant attachment)[編輯]

此類型的小孩會迴避和忽視主要照顧者的存在,在照顧者離開或回來不表現出情緒。照顧者在時不去注意;照顧者離去亦顯不出緊張痛苦;照顧者去而復返非但不表高興,反而迴避或很慢才向前迎接;陌生人出現時無特殊反應。小孩不會去探索環境不管誰在那裏。小孩面對對待陌生人和照顧者是一樣的。不管誰在這個環境,也沒有太多的憤怒。

逃避型小孩的母親/主要照顧者通常是沒耐心、對嬰兒不敏感或表現出負面的反應、並拒絕身體接觸等反應。逃避依附的嬰兒表現出退縮、孤立、對學習沒興趣、缺乏動機,也可能會缺少人際關係。

混亂型依附(Disorganized attachment)[編輯]

此類型的小孩沒有固定連貫的反應方式。會依據環境的回應來表現反抗或迴避。小孩經歷過受驚嚇的照顧者或令人害怕的照顧者。因為人際互動是不穩定的,所以導致孩子無法有一致性的反應。面對照顧者,一般的孩子看到照顧者所理解的自我,如同一面完整的鏡子,而混亂型依附的孩子看到照顧者所理解的自己,如同從一面破碎的鏡子看見自己。

成人在戀愛關係中的依附[編輯]

心理學家認為:兒童在成長時所經歷的依附關係,會直接影響到長大後的戀愛態度,因為他們在戀愛時會採取同一方式來對待他們的愛侶。

依附理論


https://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E4%BE%9D%E9%99%84%E7%90%86%E8%AB%96#%E6%B7%B7%E4%BA%82%E5%9E%8B%E4%BE%9D%E9%99%84%EF%BC%88Disorganized_attachment%EF%BC%89

Attachment Style Test https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/

My Personal Report - Secure Attachment https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/relationship-structures/download?token=95fae1b6fcb795cc81e5bd4eae8d043f

這個測試,探索童年照顧者和自己的關係,如何影響今天我們和家人的關係。我的童年是比較開心快樂的,得到婆婆和父母的關心照顧,我感到很滿意、感恩。

(我的健康界限學習分享: 請見後面的鏈接)

What is Your Relationship Attachment Style?





More reference

Attachment Styles & Their Role in Relationships

https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/four-attachment-styles/


Reference:

Setting boundaries inside out

從内到外的健康界限

https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2022/04/setting-boundaries-inside-out.html

健康界限, 停止精神内耗

https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2022/04/blog-post_83.html

學習界限,把自己爱回来

https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2018/01/blog-post_18.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201507/what-is-your-relationship-attachment-style

What is your interpersonal attachment style, and how might it affect your relationship? Based on the works of Bartholomew and Horowitz, etc., there are four adult attachment styles: 

Secure, 

Anxious-Preoccupied, 

Dismissive-Avoidant, 

and Fearful-Avoidant. 

Most people have various degrees of the four attachment styles, which may change over time.

Below are some of the most dominant traits of each type in relationships, with references from my book “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success”.

Secure Attachment Style

Those with a strong Secure Attachment Style manifest at least a number of the following traits on a regular basis:

  • Higher emotional intelligence. Capable of conveying emotions appropriately and constructively.
  • Capable of sending, and receiving healthy expressions of intimacy.
  • Capable of drawing healthy, appropriate and reasonable boundaries when required.
  • Feel secure being alone as well as with a companion.
  • Tend to have a positive view of relationships and personal interactions.
  • More likely to handle interpersonal difficulties in stride. Discuss issues to solve problems, rather than to attack a person.
  • Resiliency in the face relational dissolution. Capable of grieving, learning, and moving on.

People with the Secure Attachment Style are not perfect. They too have ups and downs like everyone else, and can become upset if provoked. Having said this, their overall mature approach to relationships makes this the healthiest of the four adult attachment styles.

Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style

Those with a strong Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style tend to manifest at least several of the following traits on a regular basis:

  • Inclined to feel more nervous and less secure about relationships in general, and romantic relationships in particular.
  • Inclined to have many stressors in relationships based on both real and imagined happenings. These stressors can manifest themselves through a variety of possible issues such as neediness, possessiveness, jealousy, control, mood swings, oversensitivity, obsessiveness, etc.
  • Reluctant to give people the benefit of the doubt, tendency for automatic negative thinking when interpreting others’ intentions, words, and actions.
  • Requires constant stroking of love and validation to feel secure and accepted. Responds negatively when not provided with regular positive reinforcement.
  • Drama oriented. Constantly working on (sometimes inventing) relationship issues in order to seek validation, reassurance, and acceptance. Some feel more comfortable with stormy relationships than calm and peaceful ones.
  • Dislike being without company. Struggle being by oneself.
  • History of emotionally turbulent relationships.

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style

Those with a strong Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style tend to manifest at least several of the following traits on a regular basis:

  • Highly self-directed and self-sufficient. Independent behaviorally and emotionally.
  • Avoid true intimacy which makes one vulnerable, and may subject the Dismissive-Avoidant to emotional obligations.
  • Desire freedom physically and emotionally (“No one puts a collar on me.” Pushes away those who get too close (“I need room to breathe.”)
  • Other priorities in life often supersede a romantic relationship, such as work, social life, personal projects and passions, travel, fun, etc. In these situations, the partner is frequently excluded, or holds only a marginal presence.
  • Many have commitment issues. Some prefer to be single than to settle down. Even in committed relationships, they prize autonomy above much else.
  • May have many acquaintances, but few truly close relationships.
  • Some may be passive-aggressive and/or narcissistic. For more on these traits see my books "How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive People" and "How to Successfully Handle Narcissists".

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style

Those with a strong Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style tend to manifest at least several of the following traits on a regular basis:

  • Often associated with highly challenging life experiences such as grief, abandonment and abuse.
  • Desire but simultaneously resist intimacy. Much inner conflict.
  • Struggle with having confidence in and relying on others.
  • Fear annihilation, physically and/or emotionally in loving, intimate situations.
  • Similar to the Anxious-Preoccupied Style, suspicious of others’ intentions, words, and actions.
  • Similar to the Dismissive-Avoidant Style, pushes people away and have few genuinely close relationships.

As mentioned earlier, most people have various degrees of the four attachment styles, which may change over time.

Although those who are predominantly the Secure Attachment Style tend to make strong partners, it is also possible for those who are predominantly the other three styles to be in successful relationships. Self-awareness, mutual-support, mutual willingness to grow, and courage to seek professional help when needed are some of the crucial elements to positive relational development. The absence of these elements, however, may generate issues of incompatibility in relationship.


27 5 2022





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