但無論爸爸變化怎樣，都是我心中最愛的那個爸爸，依然那個可愛的，“沒有什麼事” ，“什麼都不要緊“ 的爸爸。我和家人，陪伴他一起去適應，學習如何減慢退化！面對挑戰！
爸爸的變化和Alice的生命故事，教我學習面對失去的正面態度，失去的藝術。 The ART of LOSING
My Chinese translation of the speech：
我的一生不斷累積記憶 - 他們儼然成為，我生命中最珍貴的財產。我遇到了我的丈夫的那晚，我第一次把我寫的教科書拿在手裡。生兒育女，結交朋友，環遊世界。
我在生命積累的一切，我如此努力經營的一切 - 這些林林總總，現在都被剝奪去了。
我最大的願望是，我的孩子，我們的孩子 - 下一代 - 不必面對我面對一切。但目前為止，我還活著。我有我愛的人。要做的事情與我的生活。
Dr. Alice Howland: Good morning. It's an honor to be here. The poet Elizabeth Bishoponce wrote: 'the Art of Losing isn't hard to master: so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster.' I'm not a poet, I am a person living with Early Onset Alzheimer's, and as that person I find myself learning the art of losing every day. Losing my bearings, losing objects, losing sleep, but mostly losing memories...
[she knocks the pages from the podium]
Dr. Alice Howland: I think I'll try to forget that just happened.
Dr. Alice Howland: All my life I've accumulated memories - they've become, in a way, my most precious possessions. The night I met my husband, the first time I held my textbook in my hands. Having children, making friends, traveling the world. Everything I accumulated in life, everything I've worked so hard for - now all that is being ripped away. As you can imagine, or as you know, this is hell. But it gets worse. Who can take us seriously when we are so far from who we once were? Our strange behavior and fumbled sentences change other's perception of us and our perception of ourselves. We become ridiculous, incapable, comic. But this is not who we are, this is our disease. And like any disease it has a cause, it has a progression, and it could have a cure. My greatest wish is that my children, our children - the next generation - do not have to face what I am facing. But for the time being, I'm still alive. I know I'm alive. I have people I love dearly. I have things I want to do with my life. I rail against myself for not being able to remember things - but I still have moments in the day of pure happiness and joy. And please do not think that I am suffering. I am not suffering. I am struggling. Struggling to be part of things, to stay connected to whom I was once. So, 'live in the moment' I tell myself. It's really all I can do, live in the moment. And not beat myself up too much... and not beat myself up too much for mastering the art of losing. One thing I will try to hold onto though is the memory of speaking here today. It will go, I know it will. It may be gone by tomorrow. But it means so much to be talking here, today, like my old ambitious self who was so fascinated by communication. Thank you for this opportunity. It means the world to me. Thank you.
“My yesterdays are disappearing, and my tomorrows are uncertain, so what do I live for? I live for each day. I live in the moment. Some tomorrow soon, I'll forget that I stood before you and gave this speech. But just because I'll forget it some tomorrow doesn't mean that I didn't live every second of it today. I will forget today, but that doesn't mean that today didn't matter.”
“My yesterdays are disappearing, my tomorrows are uncertain, so what do I live for? I live for each day. I live in the moment.”
Lydia Howland: But this isn't fair.
Dr. Alice Howland: I don't have to be fair. I'm your mother.
Dr. Alice Howland: I used to be someone who knew a lot. No one asks for my opinion or advice anymore. I miss that. I used to be curious and independent and confident. I miss being sure of things. There's no peace in being unsure of everything all the time. I miss doing everything easily. I miss being a part of what's happening. I miss feeling wanted. I miss my life and my family.
Dr. Alice Howland: Hi, Alice. I'm you. And I have something very important to say to you. Huh... I guess you've reached that point when you can answer any of your questions. So this is the next logical step. I'm sure of it. Because what's happening to you, the Alzheimer's - you could see it as tragic. But your life has been anything but tragic. You've had a remarkable career, and a great marriage, and three beautiful children. All right. Listen to me, Alice. This is important. Make sure that you are alone and go to the bedroom. In your bedroom, there's a dresser with a blue lamp. Open the top drawer. In the back of the drawer, there's a bottle with pills in it. It says 'take all pills with water'. Now, there are a lot of pills in that bottle, but it's very important that you swallow them all, okay? And then, lie down and go to sleep. And don't tell anyone what you're doing, okay?
8 2 2015
Still Alice- inspiring to live in the moment
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