寫信的力量 - 原生家庭療愈篇

在解夢和催眠治療中，原生家庭和內在小孩是經常會接觸到的課題。除了用催眠的方法讓個案和家人產生心靈上的溝通外，寫信是我經常會用到的方法引导别人抒發情感，更重要的是和內在的自己連接，产生和自己的同理心 - 感受自己的感受。

以下是我和自己做的 family therapy，用寫信的方法表達內在世界，感恩，寬恕原諒，修補心理缺口，重要的是找到自己內在的父母，建構自己內在的家，找回內在的力量！

從夢境到原生家庭的療愈，我們可以理解到家長、父母的正面的動機，看到他們的極大愛心和付出。將他們的行為、情緒和人的本質分開，這樣，我們就可以理智態度處理童年的傷痛，寬恕原諒他們和我們自己。我們會從自己這一代開始終止上一輩的負面情緒，繼承他們的優良的傳統和精神！

一切，從寬恕原諒，理解開始！

后面有華山寫給父母、大哥的信，是 Family-therapy的很好的例子，給我們帶來啟發，激勵我們提筆寫信，療愈自己！

親愛的婆婆， 13-3-2014

雖然你已離開我們20多年，但你的聲音，你的慈悲和愛心，你的真誠和直率，一直沒離開過我們。一直影響著我們後人。

我曾經不明白為什麼會因為小事，家務的不完美，或我不會做而發脾氣，我曾經一直對你的大脾氣感到委屈和不開心。但現在我明白你的童年經歷，不愉快的婚姻，你的過去。你對我嚴格背後的動機，雖然並不認同這種做法。

我會繼承你的真、愛和善，但憤怒、埋怨，自己不喜歡的，就不想投射給別人，我會從你的身上反思如何化解這些情緒，讓情緒成為成長的營養。

經過不斷學習成長，理解，我對你的身世有了更大的同情，我明白你在封建制度的舊中國受了很多苦，在那種重男輕女的黑​​​​暗日子裡，你從小就被賣去做丫鬟，沒有家庭溫暖，只有被欺凌，被誣辱；之後婚姻失敗更是雪上加霜。當我明白這些，我對你更多一份理解，同情，我更加明白自己是何等的幸福，我感恩婆婆你帶大我們，鍛煉我們獨立。

此時此刻，我思念你，和你得靈魂更接近。從未感到離開過你。

我們過得很好，你放心。

你永遠活在我們的心中，偉大的婆婆！

婆婆的回信 （自己以對方的身份去寫） 13-3-2014

親愛的冬冬，

是的，我們從來沒有分開過。我為你們三個的快樂家庭感到欣慰，為你們的成就感到驕傲。

冬冬，從小到大，你都是一個好姐姐。妹妹出世後，你媽媽爸爸長期不在身邊，你在冰天雪地的日子都要出去到有水喉的地方洗尿布；晚上我們經常在晦暗的燈下，我講，你寫信。收到他們的信是你最高興的時候。你會讀 給我聽。在我心中，你一直是一個懂事的乖乖孫女。我的脾氣不好，讓你受了委屈。婆婆跟你說對不起，請原諒我，I deeply love you!　你是我的寶貝孫女。

在我離開你們的前一晚，你來醫院看望我，我告訴你我對你的最大期望：“你要嫁個好老公，千萬不要嫁錯人”。我知道你有一個很愛你的先生，幸福的家庭。但有時也有不愉快的時候。你是善解人意的，你明白愛是雙方的互動。你一定會好好珍惜先生對你的愛，也會學習如何去愛他和孩子，勇於表達自己，大家會明白多些對方的，這樣，大家都愛的自由，舒服，活出自在的人生。

祝你幸福

婆婆

写给先生的信：

My letter to Husband   13-3-2014

   

At this moment, I feel a sense of compassion and gratitude to write to you – my dear hubby.

 

We have married for 23 years and the whole journey is full of love, caring, ups and downs, especially when our son was born.

 

I deeply thankful for having such a husband with strong sense of love and responsibility. I am deeply moved by your hardworking spirit and touched by your morning kiss before going to work.

 

Sometimes you lose temper and shout at me, which used to make me feeling sad, depressed as a victim. I used to think you might need such a cushion to release your anger; the cost is quite big honestly, hurting yourself and me. Sometimes I felt you treat me like a little girl, who needed you protection and education, which made me uncomfortable…

 

After lots of learning and self-healing, I realized you have been suffered lots with a unhappy childhood and you had a long way to get here; I am trying to understand your family history and your growing-up stories. You are not you emotion, You have more beautiful life experiences for me to learn and be proud of. You deserve to be loved and appreciated, not only by us but by yourself.

 

Your trauma will be healed with our love and love from yourself, with forgiveness and empathy. I promise to take my rest of life to love you and grow up with you.

 

 

My husband reply to me

Dear 冬冬  13-3-2014

此刻，我很想告訴你，你是我心中的太陽，你的溫柔、關懷、對我的緊張，我一直都很明白。但有時我也不能控制自己的情緒，會發洩在你和家人身上。雖然我已講過無數次對不起。但我更想告訴你，我是有內疚和不安的。

當你不斷去學習，學習與自己溝通，與別人溝通，每天盡力帶個孩子一個快樂的家，和孩子的溝通也越來越好時，我也感受到這種幸福。也開始留意自己的語氣。現在和孩子的溝通也好了許多，我們一起走山的時間也多了。

當你去做催眠治療師，幫別人處理情緒，我更渴望可以關心我的情緒，我是你最差的client,也是你最好的client.

我渴望大家有更多時間相處，我需要你的愛，明白和理解。你的愛、同理心，幫助，是對我的最大的支持。

 

Alfred

With love

14-3-2020

我的DP同学 Jenny Leung 说的好：

＂我們一定要熟讀两本書，是讀父親和母親的書＂，意思是深入瞭解父母的成長經歷，才可以真正瞭解自己，才可能認識及尋回真正的自己。

劉仁州老師不時提醒每一個生命都渴望被看見，被理解。劉老師說： 每一個生命都有他的位置，值得尊重，每一個生命都渴望被看見和被理解，而且是讓我們在乎的人看見和理解。

http://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2015/08/blog-post.html 
(子女的成長，父母的陪伴 -劉仁州老師演講)
http://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2014/12/inner-child-process.html 
（My article in INNER CHILD THERAPY)

What I learnt from family therapy:

1

Parents are the first and most important teachers, coaches, leaders to children. Their behavior and belief and emotion will play significant impact on children character development.

Children’s character is a combination of their inborn character, experiences with their parents, siblings and important people around.

2

Trying to understand our parents and grandparents better is a channel to understand ourselves better and a way to build a positive self-esteem, trust, love, and good relationship with people not just family but anyone.

3

From my own growing up experiences, I found parents’ love, trust and support is much more important than just giving us physical security and satisfaction.

Parents who give children a free hand on one side and give love, support and trust on the other hand is the best parents in the world.  Children really don’t need over-protection but heart-to-heart communication and companion. Being their friends rather than a ruler, controller. This will make family life will be much easier and happier.

4

If parents’ growing up experiences are not pleasant or full of trauma, if they don’t know how to deal with their own issues/inner self, their children will also become their victims as  parents’ hatred and emotion usually directly cast to their own spouses, or children, causing childhood trauma and shadows. An unhappy childhood leads to unhappy personality and takes time to heal.

5 

The purpose of family therapy is to understand, accept others and ourselves, , learning from our parents, forgiving them and selves, so that we can build our  inner parents. to truly take responsibility of our selves, truly love ourselves first, and move forward.

6

華山《無我抗爭》一書摘要：

Using writing letter to heal ourselves, to express what we want to say to our family members no matter that are in heaven or still alive.

                                    A Powerful letter writing therapy!

Updated 16 5 2016