當感到不被贊賞...

 如果感到不開心，depressed， sad， 都是正常的，同時，長期下去，也會帶來大量的内耗和自我傷害。如何走出這個狀態？

聽聽DrScott Ellies的advisce 和見底：

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JTc4-1CgSo

The Reasons：

we know ourselves more than others.

We have our own data. We know others very little. So we expect others should know us more and appreciate our efforts more. That's the gap coming up. A blind spot. Human's weakness.

We can reduce our expectation and make it more realistic: 

1

People may not have same standard on  what we need and they have their work to do. Or even they don't think it is necessary to put such big effort because of different value on something. Or even don't care about it. It is ourselves to care more something than other do.

很明顯是我喜歡的飲食方式和我先生的是不同的，我的努力未必被他覺得重要，而他的付出也未必是我覺得需要的，這樣，不要期待別人會贊美你，除非大家都更多的理解和溝通。

每個人都有自己的愛的語言，表達愛的方式和appreciation，這就是差異，嘗試理解差異，就會減低不必要的衝突或不開心的感覺。也嘗試可以表達自己，令別人明白，或可以慢慢建立共同的方式去愛。獲接納不一樣。

Resentment built due to the gap thinking, it is not necessary. 

2

Five love languages can help us more to do something to show our appreciations in way of others love language. 

To sync up other's way of receiving love, appreciation is better than to do our own love language for others. 

3

The best way to reduce the gap of expectation , sadness or loss feelings of being less appreciated is:

to 

Being more appreciative of ourselves.

Our black hole need ourselves to fill in with our own love, self recognition and care to ourselves. 

If we keep saying I  am not good enough ore lots of negative voices inside, it is hard for other to appreciate us. 

Don't outsource appreciation. No one know ourselves better. We do for ourselves. The more we appreciate ourselves , we more we do self reflection and to minimize the blind spots inside ourselves

4

In return we tend to appreciate others more. 

看看我的體驗和方法：

Fully agreed and feel for Dr Scott advices and experiences. 

I use my Parise Therapy in every case and in my own emotions management. 

To recognize ourselves merits, effort and value is  essential so we can appreciate others in return. 

Everyone wants to be seen, understood and to be appreciated. 

In our Chinese society,  this is very weak. It is a 腐朽belief behind. 

My father was very different.  He always praised us and showed he was proud of us. 

This was crucial for children to build self esteem and inner strength development. 

And when we made mistakes, he just gave room for us to reflect and improve.  No anger.

不要緊， 慢慢來， 下次會做得好。

I wrote some memory articles about his stories:

In Father's Special Days

https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2019/10/blog-post_14.html

I also need to improve how to more appreciate family and others. 

感受孩子的愛

https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2020/08/image-may-contain-text-that-says.html

Don't outsource self-esteem. No one knows us better. We do it for ourselves. The more we appreciate ourselves, the more we self-reflect and the fewer blind spots we have.

In turn, we tend to appreciate others more.

不要將自尊外包出去。沒有人比我們更了解我們。我們是為自己做的。我們越欣賞自己，就越自我反省，盲點就越少。

反過來，我們往往會更欣賞別人。

身心治療師Donna心語集

__________________________________________

孩子送上這個video，

我蠻感動，孩子在成長。Dr Scott Eilers
的建議和經歷帶給我反思: 如何建立自我價值感，如何提升別人的自我價值感，empower別人。

我發現：學習找出正向的出發點非常重要：

往往 自己做個案，可以做到欣賞個案的正向出發點和優點，但對家人就很少做到，往往是看到行為，而沒有看到他們的正向動機，渴望被愛，被理解的需要。

提醒我再要多些去感受家人的處境，自他相換，提升同理心和慈悲心。

如何建立高自尊 self esteem？

在遇到挫折，我們需要看到自己的價值，也渴望得到別人的認同。

在遇到挑戰時，我們需要看到自己的美麗，自己的能力，内在特質和潛能，内心强大，我們就有自信面對。

讚美療愈法 Praise Therapy （ 2）
https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2021/12/blog-post_17.html
如何建立高自尊 self esteem
https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2023/11/self-esteem.html

TTT Train The Trainer 課程有感
https://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2024/11/ttt-train-trainer.html

大家心中都有愛的流動，感到被愛，就會減少内耗，建立起自己的内在朋友、父母，做更好的自己。

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JTc4-1CgSo

2024 11 23