Thursday, April 6, 2017

懷念姑姐,从中成長

In memory of my sister in law

懷念,成長
Rip means ....in memory of our beloved one:

A discussion with Son - REST IN PEACE means....

Dear Gene,
Your said you had a feeling that RIP - the meaning of REST IN PEACE are more to the alive people rather than to the person who has gone!

During the grief period, you said:
If we cannot learn something from the shadow, the issues of the the deceased, we are carrying on a ghost memory and we will become the ghost! That means the disaster of the deceased will continued to become our disasters.

Rest in peace is all about to learn from our beloved ones, their merits and their lessons, so that truly rest in peace for ourselves and for our beloved ones.

Thank you Son, I couldn't agree more.... Grief never gone without a self development from reflection of the meaning of the death.

Rest in peace, our beloved sister in law and our kids' aunty.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10209117305675245&set=a.2701365458822.2114283.1397252469&type=3&theater



懷念姑姐:

孩子的姑姐,我先生的姐姐,最親的親人,無聲無息的,靜靜的一個人在家中離去!一個我們最不想發生的結局,在2017年的清明節之前,發生了!我們每個人除了悲痛,更加遺憾,也有釋懷,也許這是她的選擇,自然而然的離開病痛,離開親人,離開這個充滿.....的世界。

姑姐在我心中有时是一個長不大的孩子,有时,又是一個關心別人的老人家,感覺上她極度的壓抑自己,同時又極度的表現出“忘我” 狀態,口中只有大是大非的社會新聞的話題,從不談自己過去,自己的病痛,從沒有嘆息自己的不幸,不想別人為她擔心,一個人默默忍住身體潰爛的劇痛。

兩年多前,有一次,她讓我解析她的醫院夢,讓我看到更加真实的姑姐 - 脆弱和美麗的姑姐,好震撼!

外表堅強她,夢中充滿恐懼和對愛情的渴望!潛意識最深處一些影子的遊動。但我沒有好好跟進。沒有好好關心她,想起來,只有內疚和後悔!我對自己沒有信心,也反映了我仍沒有足夠的慈悲和大愛!

想起陳一德老師的話:as a therapist, you need only a spoon of technique be an ocean of compassion and patience.

I have so much room for improvement! 激發我用行動關心身邊的人,尤其是親人的身心健康,!

姑姐很喜歡週遊列國,享受美食和購物,身邊的人都很愛她,關心她,她也是凝聚親朋戚友的軸心,一生都關心家人,她的一生,算是無悔無憾!我們永遠都會記得你,愛你!


姑姐:好走了!你一生最想睡一場好覺,You will rest in peace, in good sleep forever.


——————————————————————————————————————

从中成長


姑姐身前最疼愛的侄兒,Gene,忽然長大了很多。

他爸爸晚上回到家裡,他送上溫柔的問候,第一句話是:

爸爸,你還好嗎?如果想哭,就哭出來吧!千萬不要忍住,不要壓抑自己的情緒。

Mom:多些時間陪爸爸,如果有什麼東西要買,給個清單我,盡量不要勞累爸爸。

他叫爸爸要多吃Vitamin C, 需要抵抗力呀!叫我馬上給他Vitamin。

孩子最掛念的是爸爸的病,擔心他不懂的控制自己的情緒,怕他陷入憂鬱症。我告訴他,你爸爸已經升尼很多!最近經常講要活在當下!正面思維。從他最近的溫和,溫柔語言和語氣,我感受到他意識到生命短暫,要珍惜身邊人。上次工作坊,我已經感受到愛在他心中開始不停流動,越來越多的愛在我們之間流動!

但孩子從姑姐的離世,很想幫助爸爸處理核心情緒,因為他們都來至同一個原生家庭,有很多經驗教訓值得借鑒。我感到很欣慰。

孩子突然說,我有一個故事講給你聽,他和爸爸說。我馬上走過來,留心聽聽他的高見。他每次講故事,都很有覺悟,反思的效果!

“人們往往會在一霎開悟,特別是親人離世或遇到大災難!911事件令世界改變巨大,很多人更加珍惜親情,愛情和友情;

當年的President Bush利用911攻打伊拉克,鼓動人心去相信他的政治理念,也很快改變了不少西方人對中東的態度,最後導致世界更不穩定,喪失無數無辜的生命!

從這些突然的信念和價值觀,心理世界的轉變,說明我們可以利用不幸的事件,好好反思,改變舊習慣,(不再走上傷害自己身體的道路!he means this)”

他寫了一封信,第一次寫信,給他爸爸,好感人。

深感自己不能報答姑姐的對她的愛和關心,他給爸爸錢,作最近的开支,要他好好愛自己。 “Treat yourself better and you deserve better.”


 他好像深深明白了長期不夠睡眠( 姑姐的問題)導致很多疾病的道理,12點就去睡覺了,這麼有行動力!

早上起床,爸爸出去為他姐姐的後世奔走。他叫我將這封信交給爸爸,我看見他對爸爸的愛,好深,好大,父子之間的裂痕,一夜之間,得到深度的療愈,也許,這是對姑姐的最好的紀念和祈福!

他還要我告訴他爸爸:寫日記,寫下自己當下的心情和悲痛,就可以激發自己的内在療癒的能力!就可以釋放壓力和情緒,就可以盡快的走出哀傷。說的好!

新年中,孩子對於他和爸爸“火星撞地球”的一對父子關係有很透徹的解析和解救方法,真的拿出行動,用直接表達,不帶情緒的表達方式,解決了一个父親的心結!爸爸對兒子溝通能力,心理質素提升,非常感動!

真的,只有明白的問題的源頭,看到雙方善意的動機,看到自己和別人都有不完美的地方,一切從愛出發,正面的看待和包容不同的聲音,這個家,就有了愛的流動!





Gene,

Your reflection power is the most valuable strength you are talented.

Your story power is even inspiring, provoking , alarming! That is your leadership potential。 That you just excelled a bit already made things different -   convincing , warming and changing!

Your action power , discipline ability is also your potential and no doubt, discipline is a lesson we need to learn from this tragedy, so as to make a quality life and healthy life.

Love you!You have grown up further, proving that quality of life is quality of inner communication and our communication with people around!

Your said you had a feeling that RIP - the meaning of REST IN PEACE are more to the alive people, the relatives rather than to the person who has gone! If we cannot clear the shadow, the issues of the the deceased, we are carrying on a ghost memory and we will become the ghost! That means the disaster of the deceased will continued to become our disasters. 

Rest in peace is to ask our alive people to learn from our beloved ones, her merits and their lessons, mistakes, so that they will truly rest in peace. 

Rip 

Put the memory of the deceased to rest. 

 Mom

My hubby also become much stronger, calmer, soft 温柔 to me. He said to me times this:

From Sister death, I realized how important your job is! You are saving people from their emotion hell!

情绪病可以毁灭一个人!你的工作很有意义!

 姑姐,

Rest in peace.

我們都從你的成長故事中學到很多,你的侄兒又成長了!我们也在成長!
你在上天一定會感到欣慰!


 懂得死亡,才能活出今天!


                                                       接納自己的生命,年齡和經歷的一切,
                                                       每個階段都是美好,寶貴的!

6 4 2017





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