I am a hypnotherapist, dream and narrative therapist. In the blog, I share my life and working experiences, in which I find inner peace, happiness, and abundant resources, a self-discovery, self-healing process.
Moonlight，《月亮喜歡藍》，今年最佳 OSCAR Awarded MOVIE，我心中的最佳電影之一。演的太好了，太多反思......
這個中文名很有深度，BLUE...... 好像寓意着如果我們喜歡Blue，我們就吸引Blue life， sad life... 最後，還是自己決定，你喜歡什麼樣的生命，成為什麼樣的人, 雖然原生家庭影響極大，不能選擇，但成長中，最後還是自己的選擇，決定你是誰....愛與寬恕，面對真正的自己, 電影的核心！
What I learnt from the movie:
Moonlight, a movie with very little words, but expression, body languages. The Bluest movie I have ever seen. But life is choice, the little man grows up to finally find himself by love, forgiveness and finding who he wants to be...
Grown up in a poor, drag addition, single family, as a homosexual, life is really not easy, but still, it is his choice. He still can be a happy man..... it is his choice.
The tender, heartbreaking story of a young man's struggle to find himself, told across three defining chapters in his life as he experiences the ecstasy, pain, and beauty of falling in love, while grappling with his own sexuality.
一连看了两个电影，"La La Land" and "Moonlight". 简直无懈可击！两个电影，从故事，摄影，音乐和演技，内容的深度，都是我心中的最佳电影。所以，今天的OSCAR出现的错误结果，正是我潜意识的写照。
"La la land" - a movie for dreamers. 非常美丽的电影，年轻人创业，追梦的故事。如何活出真我的故事。让梦想，被听到！让渴望，被看到！ 梦想的实现，很需要别人的支持，特别是当遇到挫败时： 我很喜欢Mia 鼓励他男朋友的话：鼓励他激励自己的梦想-开一个JAZZ BAR Mia: People will want to go to the club because you’re passionate about it and people love what people are passionate about. 电影令我开始对Jazz music 有了不同的看法：
When people say they hate jazz it’s because they have no context.
Sebastian was passionate about jazz. Mia didn’t really like it.
Sebastian: What do you mean, you hate jazz?
Mia: Just that when I listen to it, I don’t like it.
Sebastian’s answer to that was, “When people say they hate jazz it’s because they have no context.” And he proceeded to give Mia a context. He introduced her to jazz. He showed her why he loved it, and what made it great. Through his eyes, Mia did learn to love jazz. Not only that, but she encouraged him to pursue his dream of owning a jazz bar. When he doubted his dream and doubted if people would ever learn to love jazz the way he did, she replied, “People will want to go to the club because you’re passionate about it and people love what people are passionate about.”
It’s true. People’s passions are contagious. We naturally learn to love what other people are passionate about, because they help us see what is to love.
Jazz is about conflict and compromise, cooperation and intuition, instant music, every time, it is different.
這次家庭排列系統課程，看了不少個案，自己也成為個案，是一個很好的機會學習coaching and leadership.
Here I summarise the coaching learning from my personal experiences:
For self coaching:
Be aware of problems， identifying problems， seeing problems as a turning point ， changing resources for making us a better person
Acceptance of the new reality or prospective and make peaceful with inner self
Make a choice and set a goal for change
Find inspiring resources and move forward
To coach others:
Ask powerful questions to identify the need of the coachee, identify problem and corn emotion of behind the problem
Feel coachees' feeling, respect their feeling, and listening to their feedback, reflection as carefully and patiently as we can. ( 放空自己， 放下coach 的 身份， 自己只是一个聆听者，陪伴着和inspiring figure）
help coachee to see the issue from new prospective , as an opportunity, as an empowerment chance
guide the coachee to set up new beleif, make a new choice, to set a goal
inspiring the coachee to find inner and outside resources and empower them to move forward
During the process, I found: In the role play:
My mom's role is not matching my case because in reality, she is fully supporting my career and caring my health and balance life. But in the play, it has no connection with goal.
Every role has their own experiences. So the population in family constellation and psycho drama is the key.
My Father fits the case. And so is the daughter as me.
The indicator ( She - body, mind , Spirituality ) is no feeling 自在，puzzled ， I agreed， because I have not yet achieve this status, so she feels not relaxed, carefree, it is very true.
The WANT ( role) feels relaxed and the Desire ( Role) is close to the indicator. That is a good sigh that I am working on the way but still need try hard.
( The Role - Myself) shows she is feeling happier with the indicator. That means ( She - body, mind , Spirituality ) is my destiny, my dreamland and my passion.
So now what I need to do is ACTION. How? first , I need to find more resources, they are in my mind already, my determination, my will and my experiences, they are just around me already - they are my family, my team and all of my supporters!
I will set a daily action goal to train myself to form a good habit! To learn from my parents on good sleep habit. Sleep early and get up to do workout daily.
I found listening is very essential and powerful, speaking less , let the coachee to be their own coach;
feeling their feelings, they can find their ways to improve.
As a coach or healer, we need to do is empowerment , support, inspiring people to find their own resources...
Amazing thing happened in my original family when I interviewed my parents. i have done a record to explain it and insights from studying my family history, only a primary part, still tons to learn. My mother said my grandma, her mother was a hero in our family eye's mind. She was sooo moved by her mom's sacrifice, selfless and compassionate history. I was soo pleased and surprised to see her connection with her mother, a deep self healing. Why? Because before the first dream workshop in 2014, she had a big issue with her mom, my grandma, she could not sleep and need sleep pill to get sleep for 20 years after my grandma death, there was an iceberg between the mother and daughter. Now she looks at her mother in a totally different view, deeply respect. I feel so warm and grateful at her breakthrough since her realization of her nightmares to be her best doctor.
She said she wanted to pay her mother's love and compassion forward to outside, to our children and her loved ones... she did not know what is Pay it Forward, but she said the dreams insights told her to do this 将爱献给家人，献给更多的人，我的梦就是要我这样做， since then, she kicked off sleep pills, amazing!
老師分享他的大量個案，現場做個案，加上我自己的親身經歷和成長過程，強化了我的信念，就是： 第一： 在0至青少年期間，心智仍沒有成熟，父母的陪伴，正面的引導，支持，關懷和愛，保護極為重要！是否導致童年陰影，後期可否成為一個成熟的，幸福的成年人，起到關鍵性的作用！ 第二： Sometimes， we cannot control events or some experiences in life, but we can control our response， feedback. It is our response which determine our destiny, not events! 有時我們不能控制事件的發生，但我們可以控制自己的反應，我們的命運不是由外在的事件所決定，而是自己對事件的看法所指引！一個人能否走出困境或驚恐，也決定他的成長經歷，世界觀，價值觀。 為什麼我有這樣的反思？ 課堂中，老師叫我做一個脊椎和背部的檢查 （脊椎与心理记忆），他說，我的童年时期有一次重大的驚恐事件，幼年三到四歲也有一次驚恐事件。老師估計的一點沒錯！原來脊椎成為人類第二個記憶系統，特別是生死事件，驚恐事件，都會留下記憶！ 後來我一直在 思考，這些事件對我有什麼impacts? 和我的原生家庭有什麼關係？ 那是四歲多，我和弟弟的一次生死經歷： 我们的童年真的充滿探險，驚險又carefree！讓我回味無窮。請閱：無名英雄 http://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2016/11/blog-post_29.html ......我們以為是一個一片草地，就很想進去滾一下，弟弟說是遲，那時快，一下子就滑下坡，跌進水里去了！不到數秒，就沒頂的了！看見弟弟在水里爭扎，我驚嚇的大哭起來，用盡全身的力氣大叫。 ..... 弟弟得救，成為我們全家的集體回憶！記得我們慢慢長大，家人經常提到這件事，不僅感受到我們曾經受到的驚恐，讓我們感受到他們的內疚，更重要的是他們對救命恩人的敬佩，感恩。 從我們經歷生死關頭，令全家得到深刻的教育：給我們從小埋下愛的種子和信念： 世界上大部分人都是好人,有愛心的人。全家都深深感到，幸運不是必然，永遠感恩！ 如何報答這位大學生的大恩大德？那就是 pay it forward- 將愛傳下去！我的人生經歷也證明了這個信念是正確的！人生路上，每一個階段，都受到很多人的恩賜和幫助！ 這件是確實很驚恐，但家人一起反思，一起成長，所以沒有給我們孩童留下負面的陰影，當我們來到六七歲，爸爸媽媽帶我去划船，第一次學游泳是在嘉陵江的江中學的，水溫很涼，但很舒服，開始是用手扶著我們，教我們呼吸和踩水，我們嗆的厲害，他們抱著我們，安慰我們，然後繼續讓我們嘗試，一次次的！再來過，总之是安全的！父母讓我們感到嗆水這些只是學習中的過程，沒有什麼可怕的，並且不斷嘗試，就可以學會如何避免，遇到浪頭和嗆水如何鎮定，然後慢慢恢復正常的呼吸。 很快，我們就學會了踩水，學會了基本的游泳動作，整個過程是非常安全，有趣，好玩，刺激！發現自己可以在水面浮起來，可以游動，那種滿足和自信，是爸爸媽媽最想我們得到的！ 之後來到10歲左右，我們都可以不用家長陪同，自己和小朋友們一起去水库游泳！膽子就是這樣煉出來的。 童年第一次的驚恐事件之後的引導，家人的態度和行為，可以將陰影的機會降到最低，而且可以用來轉化和提升。相反，就會導致很多陰影的後遺症：例如 記得有位朋友分享到第一次學游泳，爸爸在她非常害怕的時候拋她進大海，逼她學游泳，有一種恨鐵不成鋼的感覺，對她有極大的傷害！從此和爸爸的關係很疏離！ 童年第一次的驚恐事件之後的引導，家人的態度和行為，甚至決定了孩子之後面对類似驚恐事件的能力和結果！ 這就是老師估計到的，我的第二次驚恐事件：無獨有偶，幾天以前，劉仁州老師到我們進入冥想，讓我們感受恐懼，擁抱恐懼。
以下是「相聚一刻」的主持人Esther Lee與鄭立峰博士的訪問： 家庭系統排列之力量（episode 147, Jan 23,2017)