Mirroring and Matching Technic - Coaching call practice
I was lucky to take the course in DP and tried coaching call twice. Bot of myself and my partner are happy to see we know each other deeper. Communication skills are not just skills but an attitude. We both found this. I am so glad to see my partner has become much softer in dealing with hot tempered people. This is not easy as it need attitude transformation. Through "mirror "practice, we got to be more resourceful, empowered by self reflection and digging.
Our sharing in how to deal with diseases reminded of ourselves to take more care of ourselves. Amazing!
Deeper sharing always inspire us to think over how to love
ourselves...haaa
我感受到你的感受。
我感受到你.... 我appreciate你的...
你看见自己什么特质?
我感受到你.... 我appreciate你的...
你看见自己什么特质?
你感觉这件事上你有哪些做的好?
你学到什么?
你将如何继续处理和面对?
你的感觉?
你现在觉得如何?
总结:从这件事,在你身上,我学到....
你的感觉?
你现在觉得如何?
总结:从这件事,在你身上,我学到....
powerful questions
NLP Technique: Mirroring
Mirroring is one of the (if not the) most useful NLP techniques there are. If someone is very good at mirroring, it is very difficult to dislike them. Mirroring, while considered part of the NLP syllabus, has been used innately by people throughout history. Even chimps (which I believe are our genetic ancestors) use mirroring within their groups. This begs the question, why do I need to write about mirroring, if it's so natural? Because just like any other skill you can name, there are vastly different levels of ability, and you can get much better by practicing.
Mirroring is simply the process of mimicking subtle behaviours within whoever we are communicating. Before you go and start mimicking someone's every word, be aware that mirroring must be subtle as to appear to be unconscious! This is the difference between a good conversation and a punch or slap.
Mirroring can be achieved by copying any of these things:
- Speech patterns
- Body language
- Vocabulary style or specific choices of words
- Pace, tempo, pitch, tone, volume
Some say that accents can be mirrored, but I don't think this is true. If you mimick somebody's accent, it is immediately raised to conscious levels and becomes inconducive to good communication and rapport.
Why are so many people afraid of spiders?
Just while we're on the subject, spiders are often the subject of phobia. The most sound theory of reasoning states that this is because spiders are so unusual compared to ourselves. Snakes, octopodes and other creatures that are so different from ourselves are often subject to fear. Yes, an octopus is a scary thing, I do declare! If you turned around and there was a big purple octopus between you and the door, would you pick it up and move it out of the way, or would you prefer someone else did that for you? I digress, sorry.
The point is, the more different something/someone is from ourselves, the more we fear it. This goes for anything - cultures, races, religions, species, it doesn't matter. This is why mirroring is so effective, it is the art of making yourself more similar to your chosen person. On an unconscious level, this builds trust and rapport.
NLP is great at curing phobia, simply because phobia originate from your mind and NLP allows you to master your mind. Click here to read how to cure phobia using easy NLP techniques.
Positive Reinforcement vs Mirroring
A favourite author of mine, Professor Richard Wiseman, carried out a study which involved waiters using mirroring and matched it against waiters using positive reinforcement. The results were quite stunning.
The waiters were told to take orders from their tables, with one group of waiters using positive reinforcement "sure, no problem, great" etc in response to each order. The other group of waiters were told to mirror their customers simply by repeating their orders back to them. The waiters who used the mirroring got a staggering 70% larger average tip than those who used positive reinforcement.
NLP and Mirroring
The classic NLP take on mirroring is to determine (by listening to someone's language patterns) whether they are talking in a state that is visual, audial, or kinaesthetic.
State | Primary sense | Language patterns |
Visual | Sight | I see; it looks good |
Audial | Hearing | Sounds good; that rings a bell |
Kinaesthetic | Feeling | That doesn't feel right; I can't put my finger on it |
These are not set-in-stone guidelines however - sometimes we use words of a certain state just because we're used to hearing them ourselves. If you can modify your own language to be the same as the person you are talking to, this can go a long way towards building rapport and trust. For example, if you can determine that someone is a visual person, you would be better off describing how something looks rather than how something sounded.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/nlp-mirroring-matching-techniques-dr-lisa-christiansen
http://www.renewal.ca/nlp15.htm
http://www.renewal.ca/nlp15.htm
16 4 2016
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