FORGIVING PROCESS -寬恕,原諒的冥想練習

從寫稿,錄音到剪接,修改用了一年多的時間,終於可以ONLINE, 和大家分享,一起修心修行,心身安頓,智慧來!

整個過程,是對自己一個極大的鞭策和提升。如果有一天我仍有受害者的念頭,仍由內疚,放不下,我都需要做Forgiving Process。

整個過程,通過說故事 講出內心感受，令自己感動，給自己能量。 因為我深深相信：Hypnotherapy is the bridge connecting the lands of knowing and realizing。　

Forgiving is an attitude and a state of mind.

                                                           http://youtu.be/C4XhUilr2LQ

"When a deep injury is done to us, we will never recover until we forgive, Forgiveness does not change the past. But it does enlarge the future." ~Mary Karen Read

今天,我同大家一起做一個forgiveness meditation。我喜歡做Meditation 原因是meditation是一自我催眠， 是以個相信自己無論是在催眠師帶領或在自已意識帶領下，進入一個非常放鬆狀態，然後在享受這個放鬆過程中，讓潛意識自然、舒適地收到一些正面的信息，埋下種子，就好似成為身體的一部分。同時從中也聆聽自己潛意識的心聲，發掘內在資源，讓潛能得到更好地發揮。

Holding onto conscious and unconscious hurt and anger can be the root of many illnesses。 I believe true personal liberation comes from the release of past hurts。 This meditative gives you a practical way of releasing hurts gradually if practice consistently all the way from your core self to your muscle memory。

有時,我們以為自己已作到了寬恕，包容，但潛意識並沒完全接受。還會走回頭路。建立新的信念和價值觀，需要長期修煉。

渴望通過做Forgiving Process及感恩,令自己每天都清鬆自在，不帶包袱。

每天都看到一個不一樣的自己，不一樣的別人，不一樣的世界。Move forward.

A video makes me cry......

People ask me, “By hypnotherapy, could you help me to delete traumatic memory, memory of people they hate and events they make me sleepless?  ”

I think we cannot delete any memory but ask if I really want to get out of the psycho-prison. If yes, probably forgiveness is the most powerful way - forgiving others means free ourselves.

Forgive is not to accept the behavior but the people, forgiveness cannot change the past but open the door of freedom ...... a lifelong learning: Forgiveness is an attitude and a state of mind.

Almost everyday we can use FORGIVENESS to clean our dark Shadow, to be freer ourselves.

                                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VUCK2MZty4

Published on １５－１２－２０１４

What are our dreams calling ?

和朋友傾談, 再次發現夢是我們最貼身的老師和医生. 健康問題,愛情,事業上的選擇,夢都一一有回應:特別是健康上. 我從他們的夢和自己的夢深深感到每個人内在智慧,潛意識之伟大, 那份愛之深

- Our dream insights – Our INNER voice， our BODY voice:

1 
We can't take our health for granted. It can go away and disappear after sending so many warnings to us, by physical pain, nightmares and sicknesses.
2
The greatest love is to learn how to love ourselves. People who love us will be so happy and grateful if we truly love ourselves.
3
Our soul has higher goals, but our bodied sometimes can't afford us to overwork, overuse our limiting bio-resources. At this time, we have to be realistic, take more rest, listening to our body voice. That is calling from our subconsciousness. Only Oneness in body, mind and soul, balanced life will be sustainable. Our bodies are always ready to support us to chase our dreams, as long as not burning out our bodies - our last and the most precious carrier to back up us to fulfill our dreams.

11-12-2014

如何直接表達情感,产生有效的溝通 I message

I message application 

10-12-2014

Quality of life is quality of communication

I start to think over this sentence and love this saying so much the first time from my NLP coach Mr Chris Howard 5 years ago.

在處理紛爭個案　（家庭,婚姻還是工作) ,或是处理我自己的家庭生活的協調和幸福,我深深感到，一個懂得尊重別人，善解人意，又懂得直接表達情感的人，他和身邊人的互動都會開心好多。因為爲Quality of life is quality of communication. 很多問題最后後變成分手的導火綫線,都可能是一些細小，瑣碎的誤解。

如何才能做到一個好的直接表達又不會令人有不愉快的感覺，達到更好的理解和溝通的效果？

在我的學習溝通和實踐中，首先， 當自己一有不舒服的感覺，不開心的情緒，察覺它，接受自己有情緒，想象如果帶著這個情緒，對自己有什麽“好處”？與人相處，有什麽問題？（aware of it, accept it and see if we hold this emotion, what is the impact, health impact to ourselves, esp. and relationship impact. ）

然後,我們從不同的角度去分析這件事的起因，很可能自己也有錯。這樣，自己也要說“對不起了”。別人的行為背後都有一個正面的動機。我們不認同行爲，但我們可以理解别人的動機。同时，學習寬恕，原諒別人，不原諒別人，就是不原諒自己。何解？生別人的氣就像是憋著一口氣不呼吸，等同傷害自己，慢性自殺！所以，要原諒自己。放下包袱，才能繼續向前。這樣，我們就會平靜下來，智慧自然而來。看到積极的，各種解決的方法和希望。

Then we can analyze from different angles, self, others, environments, and any factors to cause this issue and how to understand this issue with most objective approach. We can find that there is always a positive intention ( maybe purely for themselves goodness) behind every behavior,  so we don’t have to agree with the behavior but we understand their intention. That is the source of empathy. Once we have empathy, we can calm down and feel in peace.

We also need to forgive ourselves first:

The significance of Forgiveness is for forgiver himself more than the forgiven person. Forgiving sets ourselves free; enable us to stay much calmer and peaceful, giving us wisdom. Unforgiving is like to hold our breath and feeling suffocated, which can cause many diseases. So forgiving is to protect us from being "slowly killed" by our own.

Everyone is resourceful, with plenty of wisdom in our subconscious mind until we are in calm and peace.

當我們自己處於一個平靜放鬆的狀態，別人自然會受到影響。

當自己可以不帶情緒，別人的狀態也平靜下來，我們就可以极积的溝通了：

1 表示自己重視這個關係，望有更好的溝通和了解

Appreciate other character or quality and express how you value the relationship.

2

不帶任何情緒地敘述事情和你自己不舒服的感受。這是我的感受而以。

3聽別人的回應，也許這裡有誤解需得到化解。

4 提出建議：今後…是否，如果，可不可以…

5 你認为如何可以改善？你覺得怎樣呢？你的看法呢？互相磋商，達到一個雙方可以接受的方案。

所有的溝通都是為大家好，WIN-WIN的結果是我們的目標。過去發生的事都是一個學習的經驗。放下左腳，右腳才能跨出，向前。

幸福的生活就是互相尊重，了解和信任的互動吧！

In general, you can appreciate the person for his good intention or behavior that make you feel happy or important.

Then, you can tell him you really care for him or value the relationship. That is why you have something to discuss or share with him by directly, factually mentioning an event or issue that you feel uncomfortable/unhappy. This is only your feeling. You take the responsibility for that feeling.

You might want to clarify or give some suggestions with open sentences, maybe , perhaps, or, we may. could we... is that better? 

Finally you add one sentence like "what do you feel "? What is your view about it? Can we make a peace or work out a method or resolve it.

More reference

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96HHepwQpmA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nu7Nh3Vs7k0

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I-message

Let’s learn to use I message to well express ourselves

"I message" core intention is to establish a healthy relationship.

I-statements help the individual avoid blame, turning blame into own personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is key to learning to use I-statements. Without personal responsibility, I-statements are null in their intention.

I-messages are often used with the intent to be assertive without putting the listener on the defensive. They are also used to take ownership for one's feelings rather than implying that they are caused by another person.

I-                 messages are often used with the intent to be assertive without putting the listener on the defensive. They are also used to take ownership for one's feelings rather than implying that they are caused by another person. An example of this would be to say: "I really am getting backed up on my work since I don't have the financial report yet," rather than: "you didn't finish the financial report on time!" (The latter is an example of a "you-statement").

An "I" message has three basic parts: * "I feel . . ." Tell how you feel. Follow "I feel" with a feeling word: "I feel disappointed" * "when you . . ." Tell what caused the feeling. "I feel disappointed when you cancel our plans at the last minute." * "I want . . . "Tell what you want to happen: "I feel disappointed when you cancel our plans at the last minute. I want you to let me know earlier if you can't make it."

 http://www.thirteen.org/peaceful/strate.html#imessage

I-messages or I-statements can also be used in constructive criticism. For instance, one might say, "I had to read that section of your paper three times before I understood it," rather than, "This section is worded in a really confusing way," or "You need to learn how to word a paper more clearly." The former comment leaves open the possibility that the fault lies with the giver of the criticism. According to the Conflict Resolution Network, I-statements are a dispute resolutionconversation opener that can be used to state how one sees things and how one would like things to be, without using inflaming language^[4]

In general, you can appreciate the person for his good intention or behavior that makes you feel happy or important.

Then, you can tell him you really care for him or value the relationship. That is why you have something to discuss or share with him by directly, factually mentioning an event or issue that you feel uncomfortable/unhappy. This is only your feeling. You take the responsibility for that feeling.

You might want to clarify or give some suggestions with open sentences, maybe , perhaps, or, we may. could we... is that better? 

Finally you add one sentence like "what do you feel "? What is your view about it? Can we make a peace or work out a method or resolve it.

夢與失而復得

8-12-2014

今天早上的夢又再敦促我反省了。

夢中，我去參加一個我很重要和很有挑战、渴望的考試，但我忘記帶了考試証， 無奈，要折回去拿。肯定遲到了。

醒來，自己都有心笑了出來。

這不正是我昨他出門不記得帶鑰匙，前天上課不記得帶手機，昨晚出門前不記得帶八達通嗎？

等 taxi， 但卻偏偏沒有。

最后還是遲到。

有時有失去錢包，手袋，書包，手機的夢。這些都是重復的夢。

想想，白天不正是剛好處於找東西的狀態。好在每次都找到！

"好在是一場夢！" 如果只是這樣簡單地去理解夢，噩夢就會不斷出現，而夢的預兆也會靈驗！

解夢最重要的不只要知道她在講什麼，而是要改行為。修行，就是改思考模式，行為模式。內在的程式。

夢呀夢，你真是我的贴身好老師，一天我不修改RUSH the last minute issue,   問題都會不斷重復。

我在問自己，問題我明白，但修改時卻那麼難！是什麼second gain 搞鬼？

潛意識呀潛意識，謝謝你再次，反復提醒，我會反思，我要學習慢的生活。也許，我更要學習怎樣愛自己，感恩自己的梦让我聆聽身體的說話，身心靈同步成長。

How Hypnosis Works (1)

Article from a famous hypnotherapist

How Hypnosis Works Within the Mind – Includes diagram

A simple way of understanding how hypnosis works is to view the mind as having 3 separate components:

1. The Conscious Mind
2. The Subconscious Mind
3. The Unconscious Mind

In reality these minds intermingle and overlap, creating the complex web of our brains, but if we view these minds as separate entities we can understand how and why hypnosis is so effective.

Just as all human beings have different personalities and tendencies, the same can be said about the conscious, subconscious and unconscious minds.

The Conscious Mind

The conscious mind is, of course, where all of our conscious thoughts and actions originate. It is also the area of the mind that willpower, rationality and the ability to analyze reside. All temporary thoughts are stored here.

This is the area of the mind that psychologists appeal to, rationalizing situations with the hope that the client may find peace in that conscious knowledge.

However, as many people know, even though consciously we may be aware of why we behave a certain way, and want to change that behavior, more often than not we continue that behavior anyway.

Take, for example, a mother who yells constant abuse at her children even though she knows it’s wrong and would like to stop. Consciously she knows all the reasons why she does it – it was the way she was raised – but still she does not stop the behavior. The same story goes for the overweight person with high blood pressure that continues to eat fatty foods and the smoker who has watched both smoking parents die of lung cancer. Consciously they all know, but just can’t seem to change.

So why can’t we change with willpower and rational thinking alone? Well it’s the personality of the conscious mind. It’s lazy. The conscious mind follows the lead of the subconscious and rarely overpowers it.

The Critical Factor

The critical factor can viewed as a protective barrier between the conscious and subconscious minds. Its purpose is to protect the subconscious from negative experience by either accepting or rejecting suggestions and experiences. On the whole it works very effectively but can work against us when we want to change a pattern.

For example you may state to yourself that you will not eat anymore chocolate again because you want to lose weight. However, the subconscious mind may have a pattern already formed where you eat lots of chocolate because it remembers how much pleasure it bought you as a child on holidays. It doesn’t matter that it was the holiday at the time that made you happy, the fact was that you were eating chocolate at the same time as being happy and so that’s the pattern that was created. You eat to be happy even though consciously you know it’s silly. In this case, the critical factor rejecting your analysis and rationalization hurts you.

The Subconscious Mind

The subconscious mind contains every experience that you have ever had, whether you were or are aware of that experience or not. It holds all of this in its permanent memory and doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined.

Using past experience, the subconscious mind creates patterns and habits for you to follow automatically. These patterns are created as a reaction to experience without rational thought and may be viewed, consciously, as either negative or positive.

If there is a pattern in our subconscious mind that we are trying to overcome with willpower, the subconscious mind will work very hard to beat the conscious mind into submission. For example, when trying to quit smoking cold turkey, people report withdrawal symptoms that include persistent negative thoughts or even lighting a cigarette without consciously realizing it!

The Unconscious Mind

The unconscious mind stores and controls the automatic nervous system and immune system which are basically all of your physical body processes that you don’t think about. I.e. the beating of your heart and breathing. It is also accessible with hypnosis, but doesn’t tend to be used unless the client is requesting physical healing.

 The Hypnotic Effect

Put simply, hypnosis bypasses the critical factor allowing access to the subconscious mind.

Because the subconscious mind does not know the difference between real and imagined experience, when we access it through hypnosis, by visualizing or imaging what we want as well as repeating positive phrases, the subconscious mind uses those experiences to reprogram its patterns. This brings about wonderful, positive change with much less effort.

So Will I Lose Control & Be Made to do Something I Don’t Want to?

The critical factor doesn’t disappear entirely during hypnosis it just lets its guard down so to speak. Further more, you will be consciously aware during the whole process and the conscious mind is just as capable of rejecting suggestions as the critical factor is.

This is why it is important for you to remain positive consciously and to say ‘YES’ internally when the hypnotist is giving you suggestions. That is your part of the process, agree and whole heartedly commit to your desired outcome and the hypnotist will make it easy.

6-12-2014

"內在小孩” 的作為情緒轉化治療 - INNER CHILD Process

3-12-2014

擁抱內在小孩,活出自在人生

今天,我同大家分享下我對“內在小孩”作為情緒轉化治療的理解,認識和實踐的感受。

在心理輔導中，內在小孩部分幾乎是必做的一環。

內在小孩情緒轉化治療是一個探索內在自我，了解真正的自己和发现自我潛能的過程,我很喜欢這個therapy , 常常通過自我催眠和自己做，也用這個therapy處理個案。Whenever I did this therapy for myself and people, I was tearful, i was moved and touched by our inner child vulnerability and strength at the same time...

什麼叫做內在小孩?心理學大師Carl Jung 對內在小孩有精辟的定義:

他稱內在小孩是真實的我,神聖的小孩.最純潔的個體。每個孩子都渴望得到愛,得到安全感,但通常也較為自我中心.所以，内在小孩，是一个象征：

代表我們的無辜,無助的感覺，自私，脆弱一面，同時代表我們的纯洁、希望、理想，抱負。 代表我們的創意、想象力和創造力。 這些正是我們的巨大潛能所在。他說,  ‘You are open to all possibilities’。 是的，我們每個人內心都有一個小孩，每个小孩子,都具有有無限的可能性，所以，我们每个人都具有无限的機會。

內在小孩原來就是我們孩子那一面,每個人無論來到什麼年紀,仍然都會保留一些孩童時代的特質。這些特質是我們從幼年,童年到青少年這些時期,因天生性格,加上不同的人生經歷,記憶而形成的一種次人格. 又叫SUB-PERSONALITY.它直接影響我們的信念,價值觀和行為.也成为我們今天性格的一部分.

童年时代, 每個孩子都渴望得到愛,得到安全感。在这个阶段，我们的心智發展還不成熟,如果有不愉快遭遇,又帶著這些記憶長大,沒有得到適當的辅導,就會留下洛印,會令內在小孩得不到真正成長.

內在小孩的早年心理創傷可能產生心裡障礙，脆弱面，陰影，而陰影的傾向是向外投射。嚴重者，容易因小事儿烦恼，别人的一举一动都可能trigger起童年或以前不愉快的記憶，容易产生憤怒，抱怨，焦慮，妒忌和灰心，或内疚,缺乏安全感的自信,身心容易受伤,需要得到療愈。

因為早年缺乏愛，需要極大的愛去修補這個缺口，最重要是自己懂得做自己的父母。用愛擁抱自己。接納自己的過去，是第一步。建立同理心，明白別人多些，寬恕原諒自己和別人，回到心身安頓的狀態。智慧，創意才能發揮出來。

否則，不斷付出的愛都带有很大的期望，是有條件的，可能会變成索取。當付出的愛得不到適當的回應，認同，就會失望，產生負面情緒。或根本不敢付出，怕失望而回。或對別人給與的愛保持距離，冷淡，原因是認為自己不值得被愛。沒有內在的自我認同和愛，個人潛能的發揮就會受到很多自我障礙的限制。

在做内在小孩的過程中，要留意的是，在孩子眼中，可能小小的希望，需求沒有得到滿足， 也會導致創傷。需要從孩子的角度去感受他/她的感受。

這是一個喚醒內在的愛 和智慧的過程，讓個案以極大的同理心去回憶曾經令人傷痛的過去的片段，用內在的愛去撫摸，擁抱這個受傷的小孩 – 也就是另一个自己，用極大的同理心去看待整個事件，化解誤會，不安和憤怒、甚至仇恨，真正去明白自己和親人，去接受這個曾經的自己，將過去的包袱作为成長一個學習的經歷。

讓我們做自己的父母親，一個充滿同理心，愛心的大人，去擁抱曾經受傷，或跌到的小孩，去接受他的脆弱面，愛他/她，培養他/她，同他/她一起經歷自己的成長路。(telling her your growing up process, your glories and embracing holding process)

小孩子的世界充滿豐富的想象力,無時無刻都在尋找新事物,我們的好奇心,令我們像海綿一樣,不停吸收知識營養，不停學習新東西,從沒有任何擔憂,跌倒了,爬起來,也不懂何謂壓力。

所以，內在小孩治療，不僅是修補裂口，还可以发现盲点，更重要的是去發現內在美麗的特質和解決問題的潛能、埋藏心底的热情、夢想，創意。

RECALL your dreams and childhood dreams

我發現，在催眠的狀態下，人的自我療愈能力驚人，平時壓抑的情感，愛心和智慧，创意，都统统跑出來，原來這些就每個人內在自己的一部分啊!

每個人都已經具備了成功快樂的資源，我們的潛意識早已在童年階段為我們准備好了創造明天的資源，每個人都有潛能，活出夢想。

現在，讓我們一起來擁抱內在小孩, 讓童真，創意，勇於探索，不畏失敗的精神陪著我們，活出夢想，活出真正的自己。