Wednesday, September 11, 2019

陪伴親人最後的日子

Grief management in my families

陪伴一位親人最後的日子,再次和身邊的親人感受到將會失去的難受那就是哀傷。哀傷處理不是失去了才做,而是之前就要有心理上的rehearsal,這樣,可以將痛苦大大降低,對身心健康有沒打好處。

一個人最後失去的是聽覺,所以,我們可以好好的道謝,道愛,道別, 缺一不可,愛和感恩需要表達出來,以免後悔內疚,導致創傷

如何將grief, a sense of loss 降到最低,如何轉化grief into energy ?

這幾年,接觸到不少哀傷的個案,我會分享自己的經歷,其中一個就是to be remembered:

 親友的精神和遺願要記住,他們最渴望的是我們可以 live a better life。這樣,他們就會真正活在我們心中,哀傷和空虛、失落感就會慢慢離去。

 The following record shows my learning from real life, very present and continuing during this month.

這段時間,常常出入醫院,探望病重的一位阿嫂。

這是今天的日記:

道愛、道別、道謝

今天接到堂哥的信息,馬上去大埔醫院。好多親人都從外國趕到...

剛剛走出病房,表姐正在輸血,血壓回升,可以聽到聲音。我和她說話,代大家問候她,鼓勵她,她有表情,表哥說她一直好正面,好積極,好strong

希望今天可以醒來。

海外和香港的親人都回來探望她,好多人關心她,好溫馨,好多愛。

阿哥好累,睡不着,但身體還可以。

阿哥,你要好好照顧自己啊!

之後,堂哥和我們談到太太的生命故事。我們都非常感動,我寫出自己的感受給堂哥...

阿哥

I rushed to the hospital to find cousin was terribly slimy, weak, but I was released she is  alive, fighting for  her life..

Cousin is very tough, despite extremely painful, imagining when one's organ has been damaged.

She is keeping her eyes half open. Surely she doesn't not want to leave;  she loves life.

During the past months or more than one year,  you have taken her day and night,  with all your heart and energy.

You are also tired badly.

 When you today recalled your wife as your best friend and partner, and lover, you were tearful,  me too.

I found it is very difficult to say goodbye, despite I knew I had to say before it was too late. 我發現,最艱難的斷捨離是放下親人,讓他脫離痛苦的軀體。最困難的是面對親人死亡,因為世俗看待死亡就是100%離開,走了。

基督教,在這時刻,給人們一種安慰和安托的感覺,我們還有天堂,天堂就是家。

I am so grateful Cousin is a Christian now, like you.

I remember that when my father at his last moment that day,  I held his hand, and said I love you, thank you for all you have done for me and the family.

I told my dad:
You can rest in peace in the heaven, and the heaven is in our hearts, in our mind.

面對生離死別,我慢慢明白到:

我們和爸爸還是每時每刻都在一起的。愛, 成為人間和天堂的橋樑。活出爸爸或先人的精神,他們就一直活在我們心中。

只要有愛,爸爸的靈魂,spirit就可以用另一種形式永存。

阿哥,

I feel you have accepted the fact and ready to let  her go to heaven when her time is up.

Yes, She  has tried all her energy and you have tried all your best. Really, there is nothing to regret. You are a wonderful husband.

I am so touched to see you have such a preparation to say goodbye to your dearest wife,  and to move forward...

Best wishes for all of  you. No matter where she will be , we are linked by love, she is embraced by so much love from you, her families and friends.

Cousin Donna 10 9 2019

13 9 2019

接到表哥的訃告
.....

Cousin will live in our heart forever, because those we love don't go away. They walk beside us everyday. 

表哥:take good care of yourself. 好好保重,这一年多,你好辛苦,you are a wonderful husband, and you both were wonderful couple and partners. Eva must have been very grateful for having you in her life. 🙏🙏🧡🌈🌈

再次令我想到我写下的:


陪伴一位親人最後的日子,再次和身邊的親人感受到將會失去的難受。那就是哀傷。哀傷處理不是失去了才做,而是之前就要有心理上的rehearsal,這樣,可以將痛苦大大降低。好好的道謝,道愛,道別, 缺一不可,愛和感恩需要表達出來,以免後悔內疚,導致創傷
這幾年,接觸到不少哀傷的個案,我會分享自己的經歷,其中一個就是to be remembered:
親友的精神和遺願要記住,他們最渴望的是我們可以 live a better life。這樣,他們就會真正活在我們心中,哀傷和空虛、失落感就會慢慢離去。

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