Friday, March 2, 2018

改變心態,打開心窗,化解戾氣

Three Billboards outside Ebbing Missouri


《三塊廣告牌》的反思和啓迪 -

Open the soundtrack and read my reflections,thoughts... enjoying






Beautiful Music in the movie


                                              


女兒被殺,查不到真兇,憤怒😠,內疚,自責,全部投射到外在,牽動一個個暴力,悲劇, 每個人都因爲各自的執着,負面的情緒,做出可怕的行爲,導致傷心創傷,也從痛苦中找到新的選擇。

一個open ending,把結局交給觀衆,你,我,學到了什麽?



電影令人反思每個選擇的後果和結果是如何影響身邊的每一個人。

《三塊廣告牌》電影沒有任何批判,衹是敘事,用故事,從不同角度,探索人性,讓人瞭解到每個人背後執著的原因 (原生家庭,成長經歷,信念。) 反思如何真正找到消除仇恨的出口。


真正的寬恕原諒,需要極大的同理心,慈悲,勇氣, 心胸氣量,一生的修煉。

看后,百感交集,有些沉重: 

沉重,因爲電影主角一個極度的憤怒,絕望,内疚,電影描寫的社會充滿分化,種族歧視,欺凌,甚至粗口連篇。也許這個電影太寫實,一針見血,不回避!這確實是美國有些地方的真實的寫照。

沉重之后,又有一種無形的輕盈,舒暢:黑暗中看到笑容,曙光,因爲在黑暗中,在人性最脆弱的時候,總有愛,希望,溫暖,來拯救這個世界。

潛意識裏,人性的丑惡和美麗,脆弱和勇氣,總是交織在一起,成爲我們完整的自己。

電影完全用敘事的方式,對白表情都非常幽默,每個角色都入木三分,性格刻畫,非常深刻:

憤怒,内疚,原生家庭找根源!

主角Mildred一開始的舉動就令人困擾不解,爲了女兒昭雪,可以去到如此地步!

不惜在街邊打廣告,傷害別人的心 - 身患絕症的警察局局長,雖然他衹有幾個月的命。

打學生!

趕走神父,她眼中的教會,都和黑社會一樣;


縱火泄憤,燒掉警察局!



傷害牙醫 (他也是在發泄對Mildred不滿,想拔走她的牙),衹要看不慣她的行爲的人,都絕不留情!

甚至暴力對待自己的兒子,她一直把自己内疚和憤怒投射在別人身上。

兒子身心受損,極度壓抑,Mildred自己就更加狂躁憂鬱!

原來Mildred自己也是家暴的受害者,兒子夾在中間,一方面想保護媽媽,一方面又想見到爸爸回家。

母女不和,臨受害前痛駡女兒,因爲她吸毒,不借車給她,女兒一氣之下,激怒地說:自己寧願被强奸,媽媽竟然也咒她被强奸吧!


萬萬想不到,一語成鉄,悲劇卻偏偏找上門!

家人的埋怨,她的心痛,萬分的内疚,統統倒了出來,導致一串串的以牙還牙的事件。

電影最美麗的地方,不是一面倒的寫出她的黑暗面,她的焦慮,也寫出她抱打不平,到後來溫柔,覺醒的一面:

救活蟑螂,兔子拖鞋的對話,鹿子的情緣,最後在車裏露出笑容,開始冷靜思考還需不需要用暴力發泄情緒,“解決問題”?


憤怒帶來更大的憤怒,衹有愛可以終止!


雖然主角前夫Charlie的女友Penelope衹有十九歲,僅僅幾句對白,但她敢於説出 anger begets greater anger,不是什麽高深的理論,卻總結出電影重要的信息:一個憤怒帶來一連串憤怒,摧毀更多的家庭,撕裂心靈,一發不可收拾!冤冤相報何時了?!

這個表面看起來“傻乎乎”的女孩,和主角的前夫,這位性格暴躁,動不動就家暴的男人配搭一起,很有意思,反思:每個人都在尋找愛,溫柔和智慧!相信每個人都在成長。

廣告公司的小青年Red被警察Dixon施暴並摔下樓,(令人乍舌),但他聽到被嚴重燒傷的Dixon向他說對不起時,雖然滿腔的火,但很快平靜下來,並給Dixon果汁。以德報怨,衹要有愛,一切仇恨都可以放下,一切都可以好起來!


衹有慈悲,愛與寬恕,可以療愈創傷和痛苦!

愛可以令人冷靜,冷静才有理智,才有智慧;


電影中最令人佩服的角色,最有理智,受人敬仰的角色是警長Willoughby

他承受著被Mildred太太用巨型廣告指責他查案不力的壓力和煩惱 (Mildred太太極度不甘,内疚,焦慮和憤怒投射在他身上),承受著自己衹有短短幾個月的生命的壓力和身體痛苦,在時日將盡,他更擔心家人在最後的日子爲他而焦慮,爲他的離開而悲痛,他關心下屬的成長,憂心Mildred太太女兒的案件和她的憤怒,在自殺前 ( 生命,就是選擇,電影帶出信息,人性的脆弱和美麗的交織) ,他寫下三封幽默又懇切的遺書,幫助人們化解仇恨,放下執著,給人在黑暗送上溫暖和曙光。



給太太的信:

沒提及半句「廣告牌」對他做成壓力,

My Darling Anne, There's a longer letter in the dresser drawer I've been writing for the last week or so, that one covers us, and my memories of us, and how much I've always loved you. This one just covers tonight, and more importantly, today. Tonight I have gone out to the horses to end it. I cannot say sorry for the act itself, although I know for a short time you will be angry at me, or even hate me for it. Please don't. This is not a case of, I came in this world alone and I'm goin' out of it alone, or anything dumb like that. I did not come in this world alone, my mom was there. And I am not goin' out of it alone, 'cause you were there, drunk on the couch, making Oscar Wilde cock jokes. No, this is a case, in some senses, of bravery. Not the bravery of facing a bullet down. The next few months of pain would be far harder than that small flash. No, it's the bravery of weighing up the next few months of still being with you, still waking up with you, of playing with the kids... Against the next few months of seeing in your eyes how much my pain is killing you. How my weakened body, as it ebbs away, and you tend to it, are your final and lasting memories of me. I won't have that. Your final memories of me will be us at the riverside, and that dumb fishing game, which I think they cheated at. And me inside of you, and you on top of me... And barely a fleeting thought, of the darkness yet to come. That was the best Anne. A whooole day of not thinking about it. Dwell on this day baby, 'cause it was the best day of my life. Kiss the girls for me, and know that I've always loved you... And maybe I'll see ya again if there's another place, and if there ain't... Well, it's been heaven knowing you. Your Boy, Bill


Mildred的,有自嘲、有痛心,也直接表達三塊廣告牌對他的傷害。説出還幫她出多個月的廣告費用的原因,是爲了保護Mildred,他祝福Mildred好好保護自己,祝她早日破案;

Willoughby: Dear Mildred, Dead Man Willoughby here. Firstly, I wanted to apologize for dyin' without catchin' your daughter's killer. It's a source of great pain to me and it would break my heart to think you thought I didn't care. 'Cause I did care. There are just some cases, where you never catch a break. Then 5 years down the line, some guy hears some other guy braggin' about it in a barroom or a jail cell. The whole thing is wrapped up through sheer stupidity. I hope that might be true for Angela, I really do. Second, I got to admit Mildred, the billboards were a great fucking idea. They were like a chess move. And although they had absolutely nothing to do with my dyin'... I will assume almost everyone in town will assume that they did. Which is why, for Willoughby's counter-move, I decided to pay the next month's rent on 'em. I thought it'd be funny, you having to defend them a whooole 'nother month after they've stuck me in the ground. The joke is on you Mildred. Ha ha, and I hope they do not kill you. So good luck with all that, and good luck with everything else too. I hope and I pray that you get him.

Dixon的,多麽渴望Dixon修正他臭脾氣,鼓勵他當個好警察

你本性正直,具備優秀警探的氣質,但你太容易發怒,或許是你父親在你小時候離開這個世界,你要獨立照顧母親,可是,帶著怨恨是不能成爲一位好警探的。要成爲一個優秀的警探,你不需要槍,更不需要憎恨,要的是愛。有愛才有内心的平靜,衹有平靜才能冷靜,冷靜才有思想,警探需要的是思想,而不是仇恨。仇恨解決不了任何事情!

這封信,是冤冤相報何時了的轉淚點!

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5027774/quotes

Willoughby: Jason, Willoughby here. I'm dead now, sorry about that. There's something I wanted to say to you that I never really said when I was alive. I think you've got the makings of being a really good cop, Jason, and you know why? Because, deep down, you're a decent man. I know you don't think I think that, but I do, dipshit. I do think you're too angry though, and I know it's all since your dad died and you had to go look after your mom and all, but as long as you hold on to so much hate, then I don't think you're ever going to become, what I know you want to become - a detective. 'Cause you know what you need to become a detective? And I know you're gonna wince when I say this, but what you need to become a detective is love.
Mildred Hayes: Fuck 'em.
[Mildred starts throwing Molatov cocktails at the police station, unaware that Dixon is inside it reading Willoughby's letter]
Willoughby: Because through love comes calm, and through calm comes thought. And you need thought to detect stuff sometimes, Jason. It's kinda all you need. You don't even need a gun. And you definitely don't need hate. Hate never solved nothing, but calm did. And thought did. Try it. Try it just for a change. No one'll think you're gay. And if they do, arrest 'em for homophobia! Won't they be surprised! Good luck to you, Jason. You're a decent man, and yeah you've had a run of bad luck, but things are gonna change for you. I can feel it.

Because through love comes calm, and through calm comes thought. And you need thought to detect stuff sometimes, Jason. It's kinda all you need. You don't even need a gun. And you definitely don't need hate. Hate never solved nothing, but calm did. And thought did. Try it. Try it just for a change. No one'll think you're gay. And if they do, arrest 'em for homophobia! Won't they be surprised! Good luck to you, Jason. You're a decent man, and yeah you've had a run of bad luck, but things are gonna change for you. I can feel it.

很喜歡警長的角色,一封一封遺書,帶來深刻的轉化。只有愛,可以給人信任和溫暖。

心態決定了選擇,人生就是選擇

電影對仇恨和諒解有深刻的注解,憤怒導致執著,非理性的做出一個個決定,決定帶來的後果,一個個的錯誤,人爲的災難中,人們學到什麽?電影沒有任何答案,是一個open ending,由觀衆自己去思考。

電影令我感到,正如警長Willoughby說所,不是每一個案件都可以破案;如事情沒有如預期中好時,唯一可變的,是心態,為自己打開心窗,才能爲自己壓力找到真正出口。

世上事情不一定按你的意圖走,執著,
衹會帶來煩躁,令人萎縮,枯死自己。

改變心態,多幾個角度看問題,
感受自己決定會帶來什麽結果,
不是衹有自己,還有身邊的人感受,福祉

看電影,很有趣,表面上是在看別人的故事,看別人的演技,但細緻感受電影中每一個人的角色,每一個人的演變,經歷,觀衆自己不知不覺成爲其中一個角色,自己的感覺,觀點也在改變,雖然不在電影裏。我們也一同成長!

你有這種感覺嗎?

電影一開始,看到Mildred太太一面霸氣,我心裏也有壓力,不舒服,但看到她最後的笑容,她開始考慮是否要報復,她看到世界上還有好人,有希望!看到她開始思考其他選擇,我們開始更同理她,明白真正放下是不容易的一件事,但也是唯一可以改變生命的一件事。

寬恕真的不等於我們認同別人的行爲,特別是那些犯罪行爲。我們需要的是轉換另一種心態去平靜自己,感受自己的感受,尤其是接納自己的内疚,憤怒和焦慮,原諒自己,去愛囘自己。看到如何掌控自己的情緒,不令自己失控,才是不令事件白白來傷害我們一趟,從中得到成長和提升。



This made me think about some of my favorite quotes about forgiveness:











看到一些個案,小時候被爸爸或媽媽打已經是司空見慣,覺得是正常的,因爲不少父母在過去的年代都認爲打孩子是教育孩子的方式,所以,他們以爲自己沒有童年陰影,口中總是是很愛父母。

但每每有什麽遇到和自己的意念,原先的expectation,想法,安排不一樣的事情,可以是很微小的事,或在外收了氣,就會忍不住爆發出來,用粗暴的語言或肢體暴力,徹底的發泄在家人,孩子身上。成爲暴力的繼承者。

如何才知道自己是真正的做到寬恕原諒?

那就是不會將過去痛苦的經歷帶來的情緒再度投射出來。不再發泄憤怒,不安,匱乏愛,沒有安全感或内疚,或焦慮情緒給身邊的人,特別是至親,他們是最無辜的。

將別人(或自己) 給自己帶來的創傷在自己身上療愈好,不再傳染出去。 


這樣,我們會倍加愛別人,因爲自己愛囘了自己。

想要活的輕鬆自在,活出幸福,必須時刻記住寬恕慈悲是愛自己。只有愛自己,才能愛別人。
寬恕原諒,真的不是什麼唱高調,而是走出自己的牢獄的鑰匙🔑。

相信每個人都有自己的立場,觀點,都有自己成長的經歷和價值觀,但電影確實可以改變人們價值觀,產生心理療愈的作用。

我相信,這就是電影的功力,潛移默化,短短兩個小時,但影響力可以很深遠。

看完電影,叫人難以平靜,相信還有好多反思會冒出來。

人性的脆弱中見到堅強,憤怒另一邊卻是慈悲和愛,黑暗中見到曙光,希望。兇惡中見到溫柔。

社會的多面性,人人生百態,無奇不有,黑色幽默的代表作。


一个充满戾气的小镇里,大家都被療愈了!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As9iiaYwbgs

CK sharing:

我對這電影的反思是,自責和內疚可以有很大的破壞力!我的自責和內疚,傷害了我的婚姻,我接納自己如此體驗愛和接受考驗的結果,面對自己的不完美,寬恕自己,為自己爭取更大的幸福快樂!( 3 3 2018)

要成爲一個優秀的警探,你不需要槍,更不需要憎恨,要的是愛。有愛才有内心的平靜,衹有平靜才能冷靜,冷靜才有思想,警探需要的是思想,而不是仇恨。仇恨解決不了任何事情!
(警長Willoughby)
《三塊廣告牌》的反思和啓迪 (1)


走出戲院,又有一種無形的輕盈,舒暢:黑暗中看到笑容,曙光,因爲在黑暗中,在人性最脆弱的時候,總有愛,希望,溫暖。

潛意識裏,人性的丑惡和美麗,脆弱和勇氣,總是交織在一起,成爲我們完整的自己。

《三塊廣告牌》的反思和啓迪 (2)


Anger begets greater Anger,
不是什麽高深的理論,卻總結出電影重要的信息:
一個憤怒帶來一連串憤怒,摧毀更多的家庭,撕裂心靈,一發不可收拾!冤冤相報何時了?!
《三塊廣告牌》的反思和啓迪 (3)

只有慈悲,愛與寬恕,
可以療愈創傷和痛苦!
愛可以令人冷靜,冷靜才有理智,才有智慧
《三塊廣告牌》的反思和啓迪 (4)

憤怒帶來更大的憤怒,衹有愛可以終止!
電影令我感到,正如警長Willoughby說所,不是每一個案件都可以破案;如事情沒有如預期中好時,唯一可變的,是心態,為自己打開心窗,才能爲自己的情绪、壓力找到真正出口。
《三塊廣告牌》的反思和啓迪 (5)


今天(10 3 2018),我們幾位DreamTeam夥伴們來了一個非常放鬆,自在但又深刻的分享會。

我深深感到<接受>二字的意義。接受背後的意義,不是認同別人的所以行為和信念,價值觀,而是明白別人的狀態,感受,背後的原因,然後理智的做出對自己負責任的選擇,對別人善意的態度,真正帶著愛與慈悲去面對矛盾,面對自己。
一切為大局同時,為自己的幸福,情緒是自己的,它可以破壞一個人的一切,健康,免疫力,理智,也可以改變一個人的命運,內在的高人,就像是噩夢,雙刃刀。
好好利用情緒,成為我們的一面鏡子,成長的土壤。
Here is emotion pictures
😳😱😥😡🤔😏😇😃😀😂🤣

談到寬恕原諒,化解矛盾,仇恨的Therapy,我們用電影<三個廣告牌>做例子,愛與慈悲,是融化負面情緒的催化劑。
寬恕原諒背後,最重要的精髓,是愛自己,對自己負責任。
我們讀出電影裡感人肺腑的信:
http://www.donnadreamhypnosis.com/2018/03/blog-post.html
讓我們回顧下這個電影帶來的反思。

Reference:



这是一个充满戾气的小镇里,大家互相治愈的故事。


筆者一向對以暴易暴的方法存疑,《廣告牌殺人事件》正清晰地展示了這種暴力的方法不單未能解決問題,更且可能引發更大的憤恨,值得深思!




家明雜感:《廣告牌殺人事件》一字記之曰「三」

2 3 2018

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