Friday, April 20, 2018

A deep sharing with an old friend

Dear Kamill

We really had a great, deep and thoughtful sharing about each family and ourselves in facing life/death challenge, also challenge about how to deal with confrontation and different opinions.

I feel for you soo much for your dearest mother, touched by her stories and tragedies in childhood and old age. Her sudden death was a heartbreaking blow and sorrow to all of you. I can fully understand that it will take time to get out the grief. Let time to heal. My mother is experiencing huge grief and I am helping, accompanying her to get out of the hard time. I can understand you and your brother  better than ever. Meanwhile I am discovering myself , learning to love myself.

Probably I can give you a therapy to release grief more and it will also help myself as well.

 I always think all coach is self coach, all healing is self healing. Like today we talk about so much how to have  a better communication with your brother, inside, it is all self-affirmation to myself, honestly, too many in common between your brother, mother and my husband and my mother.

Your brother has been growing up substantially I believe. He is trying to make up, heal his broken heart by full-time taking care of Father, that he used to hate so much; that he feels so painful for not being able to see Mom’s final moment, not able to take care of her in her most needy time…

He said: 有什麽比照顧親人更重要, 在他們重病時刻。So touching! So powerful! Your father is so proud of him probably if he knew this.

Please send my warmest regards to him. Later we can have tea together when I visit your dad. We can share more with him, he really need support and energy, and he need to share his voice in the hard time, or maybe he thinks it is most valuable time in his life! He has a transformation in his own way.

 I must say that this is his breakthrough, just amazing! 

He has no confidence in people and trust in others from his life experience and Mother’s experience, purely from his belief and perception. This will lead to his low trust to himself, low confidence in himself probably in his future life.

He needs constantly appreciation, praises in concrete way. You are his coach and your own coach.

I deeply feel that your story is my story; we are all here to support each other.

Yes, we all need to learn how to communicate with our family by lowering our expectation, by direct communication, like "I message" and growing more  gratitude.
Your mother story reminds us of the importance of loving ourselves first and asking for help, to love and to receiving love.

We are all not super men, we are all vulnerable physically / spiritually esp. when getting older. We need to find support and help!

Let’s support each other continuously.

Finally, I think what I learnt most from our talk was:

Learn to love ourselves first
Learn to ask for help
Learn to appreciate others more, respect others’ value more
Learn to forgive ourselves and others
Learn to use I-message to express our own uncomfortable feelings and try best to create win-win situations.

Heart Talk
昨天和好朋友一起談心,分享家庭溝通的感受,學習, 談了很多,我們都發現:家庭要有愛的流動,首先做好自己:
Learn to love ourselves first,Learn to ask for help
Learn to appreciate others more, respect others’ value more
Learn to forgive ourselves and others; Learn create win-win situations.

21 3 2018 midnight

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