Tuesday, March 6, 2018

How to deal with expectations

I would like to share my learning on "How to deal with expectations (esp. in conflict between self and other's expectations)"

Everyone has expectations, due to their differences in attitude, belief and value system. 

In recent discussion with my family, I realize expectation is nothing special but normal. Whenever being criticized, if we have high self defense, we actually project our expectation on others to defense ourselves, behind, it is shadow. 

I think a man can be much happier anywhere if he is able to live in environment that is different from his expectation - capable to live in difference. ( a whole life learning)

Different point of views, value system are not a problem, because everyone is unique, having their own childhood, growing-up experiences, that built our own attitude, value and belief, rules. 

The point is how to see others' expectations, how to respect feedback, comments , value, attitude from their view, from their prospective, not just from our own,  playing crucial role in our life,  affecting our emotion, health, happiness...... 

Ultimately,  it is our emotion controls our behavior and destiny.

Life is a process of adaption of change, environment outside and inside, ourselves and others. 

I like the quote that flexibility gain control, controlling what? control our own emotion, happiness and life. 掌控自己的情緒,就可以掌控自己的幸福。 

Just recalled "Cause and Effect" term from NLP. It just resonates with  what I said above. So I quoted here. yes, we are our master of emotion and our choices.

"A person who has learned to recognise that they are in control of their own emotional state has greater flexibility and more options available to them from which to choose how to respond more usefully."


Flexibility is attitude, based on compassion, understanding, humanity, humbleness, creativity. 

How to be kind, compassionate to self and others?

 I found  forgiveness of ourselves, acceptance of ourselves, being responsible for our own emotion, consequence, willing to change for better self is a process of loving ourselves. In return, we can forgive others and truly love others. 

How to accept emotion as part of ourselves and transform it into positive energy? Every day we can practice this:

How to be a matural person in emotion?

I quote Dr Red, my mentor's article here to conclude my reflection and learning on the topic - How to deal with expectation ( self and others in conflict) :

The word 'expectation' has many synonyms. Some view it positively as they're driven by 'standards of performance' (whether set by others or themselves), some loathe 'responsibility' because it could kill respect for individuality.

When we notice the wounds (most of those come from failed expectations) in our heart, it's the beginning of self-healing and self-love. The more we're capable of healing and loving ourselves, the less likely for us to project such dark shadows outward.

In a nutshell, a mature person is one who knows where and how to draw a healthy boundary in coping with expectations. 

The knowledge of where and how comes from awareness......

I am learning...... 共勉之。


Resources: from Dr Red course

reference: http://www.renewal.ca/nlp22.htm 


5 3 2018

No comments:

Post a Comment