Friday, November 28, 2014

The Secrets of Happiest Place

What is happiness?

Money and status aren't the priority here in Denmark; a simple life is. The world's happiest nation is Denmark for years!

Here are their secrets:
1
No difference in status: everyone enjoys the same respect from a street musician to a lawyer.

2
Inner security is the key to happiness: That is TRUST
Trust to leave your bike unlocked.
Trust to leave their babies in a stroller unattended while they're inside a store. Trust in each other.
In fact, 96 percent of people say they know someone they could rely on in times of need. This sense of security helps keep stress levels down and happiness levels up.

3
They strike that great balance between work, life and family. And all of that leads to happiness. Never Overwork, instead, spend more time with family and community, volunteering work. 40% of nation are volunteers.

4
Physical exercises keeps the nation health and happy. Biking is the Norm.
Half of all commuters here in Denmark travel to work or school by bike every single day

5
Higher level of satisfactions don't come from  fancy vacations, but  time with family, laughing, building memories.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/22/denmark-happiest-country_n_4070761.html
http://english.mingpao.com/cfm/database3.cfm?File=20141128/screeneng/1128cnn.txt



The 10 Habits of Optimism 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/22/denmark-happiest-country_n_4070761.html#slide=start

1. Have Gratitude
"It all starts with counting our blessings. If you are not grateful for the good things in your life, you will never be satisfied. Take inventory of the good around you. But don't neglect what's not great, either: You also need to be grateful for the hardships, the obstacles, the failures. Why? Because these are the points of wisdom in your life. They give you strength, they teach you how to persevere, and they form your resilience. Being thankful for every step makes life’s hardships surmountable. All of this is the foundation of optimism; being psyched about the good and the bad, and knowing that they all point to a bright future."
2. Share Your Stories
"I believe we all have the capacity to live optimistically just by sharing our life’s adventures, our successes and even our failures. Just knowing others have been in the same boat and have persevered is comforting. It spreads a message of hope, and hope is the main ingredient in optimism. When we share our stories we are giving others the tools they need to build, evolve, and persevere. In essence, mankind is always 'paying it forward.

3. Forgive
"This is easier said than done but you need to forgive those that have affected your ability to find the silver linings. I believe that the easiest way to forgive and move on is to reflect on the fact that the past is the past. Just look at it this way; the person that you are having a hard time forgiving probably wishes that he or she could erase the past as well. In summary, make peace with your past so that it won't spoil the present. Once you accomplish this, you will close those chapters and live a more positive and happy life."
4. Be A Better Listener
"When you listen you open up your ability to take in more knowledge versus blocking the world with your words or your distracting thoughts. You are also demonstrating confidence and respect for others. Knowledge and confidence is proof that you are secure and positive with yourself thus radiating positive energy."
5. Turn Envy And Jealousy Into Energy
"When we envy others we are only hurting ourselves. The universe does not owe you because someone else is better off than you. Channel that energy into building your personal and professional brand. Consider other people’s success the catalyst to help you achieve."
6. Smile More, Frown Less
"When we smile we are creating a happy, stimulating environment around us that draws others in. Frowning, on the other hand, shuts people out and has the opposite effect. Happiness, even in brief doses, releases Serotonin (the happy hormone). It makes the toughest days surmountable."
7. Exercise, Eat A Healthy Diet And Take In Vitamin D
"This may be common advice, but we all need some form of exercise and sunlight every day even -- if it’s only for 15 minutes. If you can’t get natural sunlight, ask your doctor about Vitamin D supplements and/or light therapy. If you can’t get exercise during your busy schedule, use the staircase instead of the elevator or park in the furthest parking spot. Whatever it takes, keep yourself in healthy motion as often as you can. Consider balanced meals and don’t push away those fruits and vegetables. If you feel hunger throughout the day, consider almonds and walnuts if you are not allergic. If you are predisposed to allergies, consider frequent smaller meals throughout the day instead of three larger ones. The energy we get from exercise, a healthy diet, and light exposure gives us focus, clarity and a naturally positive demeanor."
8. Be A Positive Forward Thinker
"Positive forward thinking is the ability to find the silver lining in every cloud, apply it to today or yesterday and be hopeful that tomorrow will be better. Imagine surgery; you think the worse and can’t wait for it to be over. Take all that and start visualizing what the point of the surgery is and what the results of the procedure will deliver. The goal is good, it’s only today that may seem rough. Or picture a student studying for a grueling exam. It may seem like the end of the world trying to prepare and memorize all this information. But take that energy and picture what your degree can do for your future. Like anything else, working hard will always deliver results. Life is not a lottery. It’s what you make of it."
9. Stop Blaming Others
"It is so easy to blame others for our position in life. People blame the economy, politicians, bosses, and all types of third parties for their problems. Once you truly accept that you control who you are, you will find that optimism and success come naturally. Remember, opportunity is usually found in the valleys, not at the peaks." 10. Understand That The Past Is Not A Blueprint For The Future
"Just because you've experienced adversity in your life does not mean that what starts badly will end badly. Do not make bad experiences a self-fulfilling prophecy of what lies ahead. On the contrary, know that those milestones are behind you and the road to the future is clear."



Wednesday, November 26, 2014

我的心和你共舞! What Have I learnt from My Healing Work?


遇到逆境 - 身患危疾,癌症,中風;感情破裂,分手,工作失意,生意失敗…一般人都會問,為什麼是我?怎麼会是這樣? It’s not fair!



情緒上表現出憤怒、焦慮、不滿、內疚、妒忌、憂郁、失眠、失去基本的自信和安全感等各種狀態、處於極大恐懼中,這是人的自我保護機制被過份使用所致。

自我防衛機制,是伟大的心理學家、精神分析學家佛洛伊德提出的心理學概念,是指自我對本我的壓抑,這種壓抑是自我的一種潛意識的自我防禦功能,是人類為了避免精神上的痛苦、緊張焦慮、尷尬、罪惡感等心理,有意無意間使用的各種心理上的調整。原始的防禦機制是由童年生活經歷所形,保護自己可以說是原始防禦機制的本質。

在生理上,心理防衛機制被認為可以防止因各種心理打擊而引起的生理疾病或心理障礙。

但過份或錯誤的應用心理防衛機制,反而會帶來心理和身體上的疾病,對心身都造成傷害。

作為一個治療師,我深深感到,自己最需要的是一份同理心,走進個案的心理世界,陪伴他們一起走出困境,回到現實世界,站起來,去面對,接受,學習經驗和教訓,反省,覺醒,然后放下。 LIFE MUST BE GO ON!MOVE FORWARD!CHANGE!AND CHANGE FOR BETTER!

我相信,每個人天生都擁有足夠的資源,解決自己問題,創造自己的夢想!

我很相信NLP 的信念 - THERE IS NO UNRESOURCEFUL PEOPLE, BUT ONLY UNRESOUCEFUL STATES!

 什麼是unresourceful states?  那就是當人處於:憤怒、焦慮、不滿、內疚、妒忌、憂郁、失去基本的自信和安全感等各種狀態。在這些情況下,什麼智慧也沒有了!把自己鎖進自我的心理牢獄里!


我要做的工作,一方面让人抒发内在的不安和情感,充分了解情况,理解别人的心情;另一方面让潜意识的资源来帮自己,重振信心。用催眠,让个案与内心产生连接,聆听内在的呼唤,改变的力量;用感恩,发现自己并不等于自己的情绪和行为,或处于的状态,真正的自己是有爱心,有理想的,也有支持,被人理解的,很多人在帮自己,爱着自己呢!








很多時候,遇上這些情況,都会有記憶深刻的夢。夢,睡眠中的潛意識,在人遇到挫折和轉變的時候最為活躍!是內在資源的最好代表者,是開拓潛意識潛能的橋梁。不論個案的情況多糟糕,夢的信息都閃爍著智慧的光輝和改變的力量!那是解決問題的智慧和勇於面對的力量,還有提醒、警示和渴望!

每當和个案朋友們分享,解釋和探討后,我们一起找到夢背后的真諦,朋友們看到一個如此美麗,聰明和有自信的內在自己時,都打從心裡笑了出來!情緒由depressed to brightened up, resourceful, empowered state! I’m so grateful always at this moment!  我和別人的心是那麼的貼近,產生深度的連接!看到別人那種找到自我,被認同,被理解的感覺,是多麼的美妙!
我的心也在和他们一起共舞!

当我疗愈别人,别人 如何面对逆境的成长故事也在療愈我; 当我提出建议,我自己也被鞭策!All coach is self-coach! All hypnosis is self hypnosis! All change is subconscious change! This happens not only to them, to coachees,  but to myself!




共勉之!

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

What I found in love and marriage by dream analysis 從夢境看愛和婚姻的旅程

25-11-2014

In hypnotherapy and dream therapy practices, quite of cases I have handled were  relationship of marriage and love.

Sometimes, people come to me to learn their dream meaning.  But behind the dreams is a deep world of marriage issues, love issues,  ultimately, is self-struggling.  Their dreams awake them to face; dreams give them directions, methods and even solutions.

I am grateful to get people trust to help them to brighten up, to find their own resources and regain self- healing power to get through the hardship.  Through these processes, I am surprised to find that even in most difficult time of a marriage, love crisis, our subconscious mind is not to give up but seek for solutions. The intention from all of people's dreams are almost the same - so lovely, empathetic, constructive and positive.

While analysis and sharing, we all realized dreams carries so  profound insight that  we have to admit a fact -
that is, dreams are a soul of mirror, a best teacher of life, source of wisdom and bridge between our conscious and subconscious mind.

While helping and supporting people to solve their issues, I am healing myself and learning from people how they face crisis,  getting a constantly reminder - quality of communication is quality of life.

Here is one of my articles on marriage, which I read many times, learning how to make imperfect to perfect marriage life.







24.10.06
The Journey of Marriage (Publised in Ming Pao)

You married your boyfriend because you fell for him on the very first date; or because he gave you fulfillment, love, a sense of security and confidence; or simply because you admired his intelligence, gorgeous looks and his sense of humour. Whatever brought you together, after some time of married life, you may come to realize that marriage, in fact, is not as ideal and sweet as you had made it out to be. 

Day by day, disagreements appear which in time develop into more serious arguments. This might be about preference of restaurants or color of a piece of furniture, disputes from visiting whose parents-in-law first to financial issue, or from which school should be selected for the kids to either of you having an affair…         

You might feel the relationship in your marriage is wobbly since you have sensed that he is no longer the person you married - he has become too emotional or uncommunicative or even changed in so many respects. Is a break up inevitable? What would be the consequence of divorce? What would be its impact on the children? Would it be better to persevere in the hope of new start? You’re in a real dilemma.

All this is not imaginary but happens frequently especially to a young couple once a new life comes to the family.

Having been married for a good many years, I really feel that marriage is a journey of continuously adapting to ever-changing conditions. People change especially when experiencing ups and downs. Even our characters change with age and environment. Working pressures, differences in parenting, moving house, the loss of jobs, illness and the loss of family members occur. Many uncertainties and events may increase the strain on the relationship.

Conflicts are unavoidable. Try to talk potential problems over heart-to-heart and always develop and maintain regular communication.  Ignoring issues will make problems worse and the relationship may eventually become irretrievable. 

Here are some suggestions on what to do when things start going wrong:
1. Listen to your partner and try to understand his/her point of view;
2. Discuss the problems thoroughly, calmly and objectively.
3. Avoid raking up old grievances.
    4. Consider different options until you can reach a satisfactory agreement.

I believe the more a couple communicative, the happier they will be. By way of communication, they learn to express intimate feelings like content and discontent, loves and hates in comfortable ways that facilitate mutual understanding, rather than just to grumble or complain.

I’ve come to understand that marriage is sharing, forgiving and growing with someone in the long run. When the dizzy passion and excitement fade, continue to treat your partner like your boyfriend or girlfriend instead of taking each other for granted. Valuing each other with respect and appreciation rather than just picking his/her up on daily mistakes. Seek comfort, reassurance. Laugh about something that didn't go too well. All of these enable us to overcome adversity and make it possible for the relationship to grow organically.

As life is short and things change perpetually, we ought to treasure every single day no matter whether it is memorable or ordinary, joyful or dire.

      Donna       24.10.06                                                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                 

Monday, November 24, 2014

你是否掉進O-Generation 的 陷阱?Are you in hell of O - Generation?

你是否掉進O-Generation 的 陷阱?

Are you in hell of O - Generation?

*『O世代』= Overworked, 

Overestimate self health, 

Overweight and Overwhelmed with Stress



  • 一方面縱使香港人對良好生活方式可改變個人健康狀況有高度



認知,但真正將之付諸實行卻缺乏動力。



  • 一方面香港人最容易受到健康及生活狀況影響及困擾,明白這



些狀況通常都是可以避免的,但偏偏不去採取行動!



  • 一方面憂慮健康帶來財務上,精神上的負擔,潛意識上沒有轉行動


這是一個很有趣的問題, 部分原因是-


潛意識上沒有安全感會導致OVERWORK,但OVEAROWRK導


致病痛,情緒問題,而這些又加INSECURITY,掉進自我心理陷阱。


夜睡的主要原因是沒有安全感,對自己要求太高。老是想做多些!


年輕時用生命換取財富,快樂,年老時用財富換取生命,但健

康不是想逆轉就逆轉的。


想要健康上的自由,就更需要紀律性和好習慣的配合。



我在病中冥想,領悟到这些道理和自己的問題,僅然發現和SUNLIFE 最近


的亞洲健康根據永明金融亞洲在8個亞洲市場進行的一項最新


調查發現很多吻合。



是次調查顯示25至55歲的香港人與其他同年齡層的亞洲人一


樣重視個人健康,但在維持健康和活躍的生活方式上得分卻最低。


香港人卻最缺乏動力去爭取和維持健康生活方式(相比亞洲地



區72%,隻有51%有動力)。相比其他亞洲地區,香港人也在



是項調查中研究的維持健康的相關行為上表現也是最差,例如


有63%受訪者未經常做運動(亞洲地區為56%),和有30%受



訪者每天睡覺時間不足6小時(亞洲地區為32%)。



如果你也是O-世代,醒醒吧!









Sunday, November 23, 2014

病中的領悟, A Hidden Blessing in Sickness

最近身體不太好,扁桃腺一直發炎, 全身都痛。但與以往不同的是,我沒有因此需要大量

休息而絲毫不安,反而有一種與自己身體,心理和心靈從沒有的接近和平靜,感受身體上每

一個種痛,好像是一種修行,抽離 , 思考自己的方向,如何避免 over-tiredness,burning 

out. 如何做到身,心,靈和合一,持續發展,持續成長.Truly love self and body mind 

in oneness. I am grateful I have realised that I must make myself in better health.


Remember this:


Sunlife 最近的Asian Survey on health life style 反映不少香港年輕到中年人都有以下極度

矛盾的病態心理: 

一方面,擔心健康疾病 (OVERSTERESSED, OCVERWHELMING),另方面,卻仍堅持OVER

TIREDNESS,OVERWORKING,OVERWEIGHT.

縱使香港人對良好生活方式可改變個人健康狀況有高度認知,最容易受到健康及生活狀況影

響及困擾,但真正將之付諸實行卻缺乏動力。

30%受訪者每天睡覺時間不足6小時,至於未能維持健康和活躍的生活方式,香港人指出主

因乃現今科技發達、工作過量導致缺乏私人時間、缺乏個人動力,以及將時間投放了在觀看

電視節目和網上活動等。

儘管香港人感到焦慮,但香港受訪者並不會優先考慮預先安排自己的醫療保障。他們對家庭

儲蓄的重要程度及對大病會影響個人財務狀況的憂慮程度得分都是最低的。然而,10位受

訪者當中便有6個人認為一次大病對他們的個人財務會帶來沉重影響。


 問下自己,是否我們正過著本末到置倒的生活?

我自己就有overwork, overestimated myself and overlook health 的現象。產生強迫症的

狀態。

為了不陷入自我的心理病態,決心要更多自律。建立良好的生活習慣。真的愛自己。To 

have more freedom in the future at our old age,we have got to have more discipline 

now.

I remember 心理治療大師 DrMilton Eriksson saying"patients are patients because 

they lost inner touch with themselves. 

我要坚持做自我催眠來修煉自己的紀律性. 與心身產生的連接. 做到身,心,靈和合一,

持續發展,持續成長.Truly love self and body mind in oneness





Thursday, November 20, 2014

Every behaviour has a positive intention -每個行為的背后,都有一個正面的動機

每次遇上困難,不知如何解決的問題,我就會溫習NLP,特別是NLP基石和信念- the presuppositions.带来启发和能量.

因為我相信, There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states.

當我平靜時,我相信我會接受問題,面對它,有能力處理它. 当人平静时,智慧就出来了!

今天對我最大啟發的是:

Every behaviour has a positive intention.

No matter how strange, hurtful or inappropriate a person’s behaviour may seem to you; to the person engaging in that behaviour, it makes sense in their model of the world. They see the behaviour as the best or only way of meeting their need or achieving their outcome.
Similar ways to express this presupposition are:
  • Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources available to them.
  • Every behaviour is useful in some context.
  • Everyone is always doing what they believe is right.
  • This is the best choice available to a person given the circumstances as they see it.
The key is to appreciate the positive intention of the other person’s behaviour. This does not mean that you view the other person’s behaviour as positive. On the contrary, you may find it quite distasteful. You need to look behind their behaviour to notice their positive intention - for them, for you, for someone else, … . Once you have an understanding of their positive intention, explore alternative ways to help the person achieve it.http://www.renewal.ca/nlp6.htm

在每個人的世界裡,不論別人的行為多麼不合理,令你不舒服,或產生傷痛,必有它的需要. 但不等與認同別人的行為. 



化解分歧, 最重要是去了解別人的需要和動機;或幫别人找到其它方法,更証面,積極,健康的方法去到達這個需要或消除負面的情緒,如恐懼. 也達到你的目的,可能是解决问题,增進關系.搞好工作.提高效率等.

每個人都會找到最好的方法去到達自己的動機,當他們認識到的話.所以,以變化的眼光看事物,人的潛意識是最想對自己好的.有好的方法, 人们是可以接受和愿意改變的.


行为不等于人本身,正如我不是为的情绪,我有选择去改变我的情绪和行为!







我也深刻体会到:





 作為父母,過度的"愛"和保護可能帶來反效果.要學習放手!

共勉!




Tuesday, November 18, 2014

成長的營養

從小到大,每個人天生都有喜、怒、哀、樂,也不斷感受喜、怒、哀、樂。但對喜、怒、哀、樂的態度, 卻隨著成長而改變。

容易開心還是不開心,容易生氣還是傾向平靜,容易埋怨還是選擇感恩?怎樣看這些發生在自己身上的一個個經歷, 決定了一個人的信念,心理和身體的健康質素和命運。也可以看到一個人是否真正在成長。

也許是遺傳吧,天生就比較樂觀,也可以說是對所謂不愉快的事都難以立足在我的記憶中,而對美麗,快樂和溫馨的時刻總是回味不已。充滿感嘆和謝意。

我想,我不是沒有不愉快的經驗和記憶,而是學習將所有的經歷轉化為成長的營養元素,人生的體驗。所以,對於任何失敗,錯誤,還是成功,都在學習接受和面對,享受學習的旅程,   這是我人生的態度。

每個人在不同的人生階段,都有第一次。甚至經常都有第一次的經歷。每個人都有自己成長的背景,給自己和別人多一些空間,容許自己犯錯,也容許別人的不是,想想他們的出發點,自己的出發點,動機大部分都是正向的,這樣,生氣地機會大大減少, 留下精力學習贊美別人的好處。了解自己的長處,同時每天反省修正,move forward! 隻有這樣,創意才可以得到最大的發揮。LIVING FULLY EACH moment.

Life is an experience, life is learning, life is an adventure, life is a constantly self-discovery. life is an learning of acceptance and letting go, losing small self. Just enjoy it!

Problems are not problems, how to see problems and how to react determine the outcome of our behavior. 

I really appreciate President Mandela’s saying about glory:

18-11-2104

Friday, November 14, 2014

勇氣、真誠、慈悲和謙卑


寫在華山“亂世修心” 講座和新書介紹會。

星期四13號在典範文化中心(上環)的華山“亂世修心” 講座和新書介紹會上,他分享如何將無我的修行,實踐在生活的點點滴滴,贈給每人一本他的新書外,還給我們帶來另一個禮物!

“最近,許多人憤怒、惶恐、悲痛和無奈,好些家人、朋友和同事之間,因政見不同而反目。我們如何醫治受傷的心靈?時局紛亂,人生無奈,如何安身立命?修行人可以如何參與政治?亂世中如何自我修行?“

華山抓住這個機會,送給我們每一個聽眾一個心靈之旅 “核心情緒的轉化”的體驗。他認為,修行不是亂世才需要,而是一生的實踐。

每天有上千個念頭,無時無刻影響我們的行為
留意自己的思緒,保持自己正面思想,接受自己有情緒,解讀自己,人就會平衡,放下,平靜。

華山說,“人生每一分鐘都在修行。” 原因就在此吧。

情緒,是最客觀的心理健康指數。是心理上對外界的變化的反映。核心情緒包括:憤怒,焦慮,缺乏安全感,內疚,妒忌和悲傷。

在這個心靈之旅中,我再次檢視自己,那曾經影響我一生的核心情緒-缺乏安全感。

這個核心情緒提醒我,要愛惜自己的生命。拼命去做很多工作,令身體也受損。不是一個持續發展的方向。我感恩華山,帶著我們反省,叫我們如何修心。

我是乎明白到修行,就是選擇行為,修改行為。

我選擇擁抱自己的情緒,利用它們的好處,也接受它們的弊病,學習放下,從而跨越自己。

從華山分享他人生挫敗的學習和感悟,我們看到這樣一個活生生的例子 - 他用行動說明什麼是勇氣、真誠、慈悲、謙卑和偉大:

勇氣源於接受自己的恐懼,讓我們勇敢面對

真誠源於承認自己的虛偽,讓我們變得坦誠真摯

慈悲源於看到自己的自私,讓我們變得沒有分別心,更有同理心

偉大源於謙卑!

現在自己也在學習作導師,我越來越感到修心修行和謙卑的重要性。而能夠處理好自己的情緒,是做導師的第一步。

華山的演講還有不少地方都令人觸動。

“當今人們講民主,到底什麼是真正的民主?真正民主精神是和而不同”,求同存異。真正民主精神是出於愛,而真正的愛是:“To love is to set others free.

學習與不同意見的人一起生活,工作,是人生一大學習。Yes, one of a big learning in life is to learn to live in difference. To live in a way that respect others and enhance freedom of others.

他的話讓我想起曼德拉總統的話:

 “If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner. ”

 華山還分享了他的座右銘:

Gandhi quote: The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

他的修行老師的話:

“唯獨比地毯還要低,你就可以做導師了”。

"The meaning of life is not to win but to lose, until one day you have nothing more to lose, then you are free."


 <<無我抗爭>>,是和內在小我的「抗爭」,靜化,修行,達到心繫大愛,沒有敵人、沒有野心,無私貢獻。它不僅是華山一生的經驗的深華,也是每個人都可以參考的修行手冊。激勵我們每個人學習放下小我, 修煉成“無我”,活出更大的 “我們”,大愛的生命!